Vacation

We decided to take advantage of the low May rates to visit the Outer Banks of North Carolina. It has been a great vacation. The lazy kind where you just kick back and relax. There is no reason to rush around and we have all been really relaxed!

I am always amazed at how some sand and waves can occupy my boys for hours on end. As soon as I think they are getting bored, they discover another game, dig another hole or figure out something else to build with the sand. Each day they build up a little more courage to go out in the waves a little more. By this I mean they go out to where it builds to their knees when the waves peak. Truly, we are here for the sand. All they need are two bucket hats, swim trunks, SPF 60, and a couple of shovels.

Brad's parents came down for a few days and we were able to see the sights in the area and learn about the history. The weather didn't cooperate while they were here, but the showers passed quickly and we all enjoyed having them here. Unfortunatley, my dad was covering for someone who was on vacation and wasn't able to come down this time. Maybe next year.

There is something wonderful about the ocean and I am so happy I got to share it with the kids because I think they love it more than I do!

Gardens of weedin

It rained all day Tuesday and the weather man predicts rainy evenings until Saturday. The first thing that came to my mind when I heard that was Saturday morning is going to be perfect weeding weather. I am going to get up and head to the yard to get every weed out of all my flower beds and the vegetable garden. Then it hit me. I have become my mother just like she said I would. She would put her face inches from mine and wag her finger in my face and say, "you better watch out, one day you are going to become your mother." Then she would laugh and laugh. Now, not only am I looking forward to hours of weeding, but I'm also watching the weather. Good grief. She was right!

I didn't have a lot of 'jobs' when I was growing up. I was the family sock folder and put my clothes away and cleaned my room when I was told. Sometimes she would make a list of jobs and I would dutifully complete them. But there was one job that I absolutely hated: weeding. I remember when I was younger, after a rain, she would be out in the yard just weeding away. When I would see her out there I would try to make myself scarce, but several times she caught me. She would take me to my assigned garden and I would report to her when I thought I was finished. Then she would walk over with me and say, "yes, it is coming along nicely," in the same tone she used when I thought I was finished cleaning my room. I really hated weeding. No matter how long I would sit there, I couldn't clear all the weeds out of my assigned area and I hated being stooped over in the hot sun.

I remember the last time I pulled weeds with my mom. It was the spring after she was diagnosed with cancer and we were aimlessly walking through the yard. Her spring flowers were in full bloom and, as we walked around, we would stop and pull a stray weed here and there. We were just chatting about the spring and the gardens when she stopped and said, "when I die and dad sells the house, please dig up at least some of my bulbs and plant them at your new house." I can remember exactly where we were standing and how the crisp breeze was carrying the smells of all those spring flowers through the air. I was shocked at how matter of fact she made her request and I stumbled through some kind of response as we moved to the next garden. Eventhough I had been to countless doctors appointments with her, the thought of her not being there to see another spring bloom had not sunk in.

My dad still lives in the house and I chicken out each time I think about moving those bulbs but, when the time comes, I will make a garden and move as many bulbs as I can.

This Saturday morning I will spend a few hours weeding until ALL those pesky weeds are gone and it will make me smile because she will be laughing at me since I will actually enjoy it. I have become my mother....and I kind of like it!

The Waiting Room

Today I had a doctors appointment and my Zometa drip. So this morning I voted, dropped Trent at school and Ian at Cindy's, then headed to Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. Throughout my cancer adventure, I have been treated by doctors in four different cities, affiliated with four different hospital systems and the logistics are all pretty much the same: hurry up and wait. It was the same through my original chemo, all my radiation treatments and every surgical visit. I have been getting the Zometa drip since May 2008; first monthly, then quarterly, and recently every other month. I know the drill. Scan my card, get my vitals taken, sit and wait for the nurse to call me, meet with the doctor, head upstairs, scan my card, sit and wait to be called, wait for an IV, get my drip, and head home.

Sitting in the waiting rooms is always a very humbling experience as they are packed with people. They all come hoping to find the key to unlock the mystery of their cancer and the cancers there are as diverse as the people waiting. There are children with their parents and parents with their children. Some are black, some are white, some are Hispanic, some are Asian: cancer does not discriminate. They wear wigs, hats, scarves, or just let their bald heads shine. Some are in wheelchairs, some have walkers, and some just shuffle along. And, when I get frustrated because I have been there for hours, I try to look around and think about how long some of those people are going to be there.

Today I sat across from a woman that I would guess was in her mid-fifties. She was in a wheel chair and was very pale. I'm not sure if she was wearing a wig because I am not very good at the, 'is it a wig or is it hair game.' (Don't judge me...I know everyone in that waiting room is playing the same game...it is hard not to.) She was sitting with her daughter who looked to be about college age. The daughter was on her cell phone making plans with friends and trying to figure out about when they would be done at the hospital. It was about noon and the mom looked at her daughter and said, "I don't think you understand. We probably won't be out of here until five or six o'clock." The daughter's mouth dropped open and her face fell. The mother rolled her eyes and smiled at me. I just smiled back. On Christmas Eve 2003 Brad gave me that same startled look when, after three hours of waiting, seeing the doctor, then receiving pre-medication, the nurse hung a giant bag on my IV pole and said cheerfully, "OK now this will drip for four hours and then you will be all done." We still laugh about that chemo trip! Please note: if you ever volunteer to accompany someone to chemo, be prepared for a LONG day regardless of what hospital, outpatient center, or oncology unit you plan on visiting!

After my twenty minute drip today I stood up, walked two blocks to the parking garage and drove myself home. Even in the cold drizzle, I couldn't help but feel so lucky. Comparatively speaking, I am in great shape.

Tonight I feel like I am getting the flu. Tomorrow afternoon at work I will say, 'gosh I feel really yucky,' and then I will remember that I just got a Zometa drip. By Friday I will feel fine. In the grand scheme of things I had a short day and will have a quick bounce back. Since my cancer is stable, I will not have blood work again until the end of July and will see my doctor and get my drip again the first week of August.

This evening I am taking it easy, watching TV with the kids, a blanket on my legs and a cat in my lap. Before I close my eyes tonight, I will be sure to thank God for all his blessings and ask that he look out for all those 'sick' cancer patients in the waiting rooms. I hope they will get to experience life on the other side of chemotherapy and find the key they are looking for.

A Pink Mother's Day

This was a wonderful Mother's Day! I would like to thank Don and Jackie for organizing our Komen Race for the Cure Team. They set the team up and worked out all the logistics for our team today! It was a little chilly and windy but I will take that over hot and humid any day! It is very inspiring to stand in the middle of a group of thousands of people who are trying to cure a disease that I have been fighting for almost seven years. Thanks to all our team members who gave up a Sunday morning to walk and all of the friends, co-workers and family members who contributed to our team goal!

I also think it was special to spend time with my brothers and dad on Mother's Day. My mom would have been so happy to see her grandkids playing in the park and running through the house. She was truly the cornerstone of our family and I think she would be proud that we were together today!

After the walk we warmed up at Don and Jackie's house where they had a delicious spread! The kids had a great time playing and the ride home was pretty quiet.

When we got home, Brad had stuffed salmon, scallops and asparagus waiting! Then the boys gave me a beautiful mothers ring with the birthstones of both boys. The icing on the cake came this evening when I saw that I had an e-mail from my doctor saying that my bloodwork that was drawn last Tuesday showed a decrease in my tumor markers!

This is my sixth Mother's Day and I consider it a pretty perfect Mother's Day!