Goodbye November!

I think it is fair to say that this November has not been my favorite month ever. As a matter of fact, it is pretty close to my LEAST favorite month ever. The last day of November proved true to the rest of my month and it is going out with a bang!

Today was supposed to be my day back to work. Aly had figured out how to arrange my office furniture so my wheelchair would fit and the maintenance guys had come and moved it all around. All the girls had cleaned and vacuumed so when I got there today I was so excited to wheel right into an office that was not only wheelchair friendly, but also very clean. It felt so good to sit at my desk again! When ten o'clock rolled around Lisa loaded me up and we headed to radiation. Then, what started as a quick radiation session turned into a marathon event.

I have noticed some swelling in my leg so I asked to see the doctor after radiation. My doctor is out of town, but they had a doctor covering so I showed her the swelling. She called my family doctor and he ordered an ultrasound. After the ultrasound I was admitted to the hospital with a bloodclot. The doctors called my neurosurgeon at Hopkins and agreed that a head CT was needed to make sure that there wasn't any bleeding in my brain. When it turned up clear, the doctors started a Heparin drip and tomorrow I will start on an oral blood thinner. Tomorrow evening I will have another head CT to make sure there is still no bleeding. When the blood thinner levels are where the doctor want them to be, they will release me. This could take one to several days.

I guess the good news is that I am in WVU Hospital East (City Hospital) in Martinsburg and Brad brought the boys to see me tonight. Since I have had five surgeries in the past seven years and have spent my fair share of time in the hospital, I have always been able to prepare them for my overnight stays. This was a surprise so I was glad they could come and see that I was OK. Ian was eager to point out all the neat things you will find in a hospital room while I noticed tears in Trent's eyes several times. And that is really really hard.

Another good part of being here is that I can see the building where I get radiation out my window and tomorrow they will transport me down the road for my pelvis radiation. So, I won't miss any radiation days!

So, if you ever had one of those days that didn't quite turn out the way you expected, you know how I feel tonight. I'm going to shut this laptop down and get some rest. Tomorrow is a new day, a new month even and I am going to say a prayer that December is a good one!

Christmas Trees

I really like live Christmas trees. When I was in high school, our family started going to a local tree farm that made the Christmas tree experience seem magical. There were wagons pulled by horses that took us out into acres and acres of trees. As we were riding the driver would describe the kinds of trees available in each section and we would pick the field where we wanted dropped off. We would walk through what seemed like endless rows of trees trying to find the perfect one. I always felt we were on the hunt for the biggest tree we could find that would fit from floor to ceiling. Each year we alternated the person who made the final decision and, once that decision was made, one of the boys would crawl under the tree with the saw. We would drag it to the dirt trail where it would be bound and loaded on the wagon with us. The children who lived on the farm always put on a live nativity that the wagon passed on the way back to the barn where hot chocolate and cookies waited. Then dad paid for the tree and we headed home for Eggnog, Christmas music, and decorating. It made for some great family memories.

The first year Christmas in our house, we found that tree farm from my childhood only to discover that it had closed. Luckily we live way out in the country and on the way home we followed some signs to another tree farm. The owner was so kind and explained that he had lost a lot of his larger trees to disease. He was so nice that we couldn't leave without a tree so we found a small one and headed home. I have to admit that we were a little disappointed that it was so small and only held about half our ornaments, but it served its purpose.

The following year we found another tree farm nearby. Trent was two and he trudged through the snow with us. As we were walking he started giving me a funny look and when I looked down he was missing a boot. So, back we went in search of the missing boot. We eventually found both the boot and a tree. We paid the gentleman for the tree then started loading the truck when we realized that Trent had had a blowout of magnitude proportions. He was wearing a snow suit. You can use your imagination to fill in the blanks on that one. It wasn't until we got this tree home that we realized that the trunk was somehow twisted into a right angle. Even with our super duper deluxe tree stand, it never stood quite right.

The next year Brad was determined to set things straight. He went to Lowes and searched through the trees for one with a straight trunk and good shape. The tree he picked was perfect and stood tall from the stand to the ceiling. Trent was three and I was eight months pregnant with Ian. We decorated the tree and it was absolutely beautiful. And it never drank a drop of water. By the week before Christmas I was afraid to turn the lights on and by Christmas day the tree was brown. It is the first time in my life that I undecorated a tree the day after Christmas. Also on the day after Christmas, Brad returned to Lowes and bought a 7 foot, pre-lit Christmas tree.

Every year when we set up our tree we laugh about our quest for a live tree. To be honest, I was getting tired of the red prickly rash on my hands for a week after putting the lights on anyway. There are a lot of good air scents on the market today that make the house smell just as good!

Yesterday Brad brought the box up and put the tree together. I sat and unwrapped ornaments while the boys excitedly waited for familiar ones to appear. They were so excited to decorate the tree. They have even added a few army men so it looks like Andy's tree in Toy Story! Last year Santa brought Trent a Lego Train which surrounds the bottom along with the Fisher Price Manger. As I sit here looking at it I think we have finally achieved the perfect tree!

A Happy Thankgiving

We had a very Happy Thanksgiving this year with two celebrations with our families! We went to Scott and Brittany's house and enjoyed the afternoon with my dad, Don, Jackie, Felix, Amelia and Brittanys parents and brother. It was good to see everyone, enjoy a great meal, and visit while watching football. I was a little sleepy and dozed on the couch while listening to everyone chat and the kids play! Then we went to my sister-in-law Michelle's beautiful new house in the evening and enjoyed time with Brad's parents, Michelle's husband Chip and Grandma Copenhaver. We had another delicious meal and we so full we had to bring our desserts home!

This Thanksgiving I am so thankful for all the people who are helping us. From those who have come to the house to sit with me, everyone who has helped stock our fridge and freezer, friends who have taken the kids out for some fun, all those who are helping with rides, our parents who have gone well above and beyond to help us, our siblings who have taken time from their jobs and families to help, our realitives both near and far who have helped in so many ways. I am thankful for my husband, because he working so hard to take good care of all of us. I so thankful for Trent and Ian. They are my heart. I know they miss our old routine, but they are being very patient with all the changes and I am so proud to be their mother.

I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving and is enjoying the rest of this holiday weekend!

Set up for another step!

Today the kids had school and I had an 8am doctors appointmentwith Dr. K, my radiation oncologist in Martinsburg. He treated me in 2008 when my bone metastasis began. I think very highly of him and would recommend him to anyone facing radiation treatment! After an exam, a discussion and a set-up CT, he is working on a plan to radiate the left side of my pelvis. His office will call me on Monday and I will begin treatments on Monday or Tuesday of next week. On my first day of radiation they will tell me how many treatments I will have and at what time of day so I can start working on rides when I hear from them on Monday. Again, thank you to everyone who has offered to help with transportation! I know it is a hike out to our house and I really appreciate your generosity! I will be calling!

Because of the fracture and the cancer in the pelvis, I am going to be using a walker, crutches and a wheelchair for quite some time. I will just have to be patient and try to focus on the fact that the pelvis can be treated and, with some tender loving care I can work my way back!

It was an early morning...

We started out early this morning! I was to meet with a team of doctors, discuss the plan, have the necessary MRI and CT Scan for radation setup, have my stitches removed, follow up with the surgeon, and get fitted for my radiation mask. For a girl who just had brain surgery and was still very anxious and scattered (a result of this medication), I thought that was a pretty full day! Dad was the chauffeur today and he came to the house and loaded the boys and I into the van well before the sun started to rise. We got into the van and quickly went through the checklist. Bookbag. Lunchbox. Coats. Crutches. Wheelchair. Check. Check. Check. Check.

Then, dad turned the key to the van and......click...click....click....click.

Luckily some jumper cables fixed the situation, but I believe you could have bought any one of us for a dime when that minivan didn't start!

We did sail through to Hopkins and made all of my appointments. I have to say that I felt somewhat like they rolled out the red carpet for my arrival as I was surrounded by doctors, and technicians and nurses. I will be receiving a very specific targeted form of radiation to the tumor bed. I am scheduled to be at Hopkins three days in a row in December: the 6th, 7th and 8th. I can be driven back and forth to these appointments. As with all treatments, there are side effects, and we will face them as they come. The good news is that with this follow up radiation, they feel very positive about the situation.

In the meantime, I am still healing and every day I am able to focus a little better and as the steriods are leaving my system I am feeling more like myself. I have an appointment on Tuesday to meet with my local radiation oncologist to discuss ways to treat the pelvis fracture.

I want to thank everyone for everything! My wonderful neighbor Jackie spent her day off pampering me on Tuesday morning and I felt like a new person! The girls at the office have been coming to check on me during the day and keep me company! The cards and food and prayers. I don't know how I would ever face something so challenging without so many people!

The start to a week!

The weekend is ending and I think we are all feeling good about closing up last week and heading to a new one!

I want to go back to my homecoming Friday and, thank the 'hill top gang' of great neighbors that we have for filling my fridge with such a wonderful variety of food! I don't know how you found such a great selection, but there was something for everyone all weekend and we are still stocked!

Thanks to my expert hair dresser Jackie for working with my hair! You have no idea how refreshed that made me feel! Thanks to everyone for their cards and their prayers and all the e-mails!

Now that I am working off the steriods I am starting to feel tired and hope to get some sleep tonight. I do appreciate all the offers for food and meals, but right now we have plenty and since I am doing a lot of sitting I am trying to not borrow too much trouble by doing too much eating!

When I was in college, I had the privledge to become a member of a wonderful sorority, Alpha Gamma Delta. I still keep in touch with so many of the outstanding women with which I became close and, looking back, being part of that sorority truly did shape and grow my confidence as a young adult. On Saturday a package was in the mail from Linda Xander, a wonderful advisor with which I worked and am so happy to call my friend. The box was filled with some samples of yummies from her business including chocolate squirrels (our mascot). The boys love the squirrels Linda...they thought it was pretty funny that someone sent them chocolate squirrels!!

I do know that dad and I will be back down the road on Wednesday to Baltimore and I will gather more information about the radiation then. But, for now I am going to get my game shirt on and break out my terrible towel. Go Steelers!!

I'm back....well kind of

So, I had to laugh out loud when I read Brad's post! How in the world does he know me so well?

They boys were so glad to see me last night and I had them dressed in surgical masks and hats with some other examples of 'hospital' supplies that my wonderful nurses had helped me put in my bags. I don't know how to thank everyone for helping them because you know how hard it is when mom is down!

My head feels very good and I will meet with the surgeon on Wednesday. Since I am traveling he is even going to meet me at the radiation clinic at Hopkins so he can remove the stitches and we can begin the plan. This will be a little different from other body radiation, but he said it will be very direct. I will post more when I have that plan.

The issue leaving the hospital became the stabalization of this fracture in my pelvis and I am moving with walkers, crutches and a wheelchair. I will address this problem with another doctor who has treated me here in Martinsburg and begin that when I can.

A note about steriods. When they found the lesion in the brain they immediately took me up to very high dose of steriods to keep the swelling down. Really early yesterday began the downslide. Yeah. WOW! It is a gradual reduction in which you may think something you are saying or doing is sane, but it pretty much isn't. So, If I have called or texted because I feel 'normal' please disreguard. Likewise, I may stay light on the posting until I am more myself. It is funny because when I leave the hospital I usually have strict instructions on pain medication. But this time, they all wished me 'well' with the steriods. As Brad was trying to help me with my hair last night, I caught a glimpse of my head in the mirror and my face has kind of taken on the shape of the characters in the Wall-E movie after they have been on the ship for a while. I don't think the kids have caught on to that yet, but if I pull out the movie later, I bet they get it! The swelling will do down with the meds and each day I will feel more and more like myself again!

We are going to try to have a quiet weekend as I kind of anticipate now mostly dealing with the mood swings. Say a prayer for Brad!

Love and thanks to everyone!

Post surgery update posted by Brad

Hello sorry for the late post on the Toni's update we have been very busy. I think most of you know her condition through texting and phone calls. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers.
Toni is doing great and the surgeon (the best neurosurgeon in Hopkins) is very pleased with his results of the surgery. Toni is doing great with very little pain meds scheduled to come home today (Friday) after a post op head MRI this morning to see if any tumor was left behind. The surgeon is suggesting a few pinpoint radiation treatments in a few weeks to make sure the tumor is gone.
Toni is hoping to have a relaxing weekend with the kids, as per doctors orders "plenty of rest and relaxation".
I'm sure she will post another update as soon as she can get a laptop in her hands.

Long day!

It has been a very long day with all the preops that go with surgery. I am so thankful for Scott who took the day off and showed up at my house with a warm drink at 4am! We made all our appointments and he expertly navigated a wheelchair throughout several buildings and back at Johns Hopkins! Thanks to Brad and Glen and Cindy for getting the boys to school today and playing with them until we got home!


My surgery time is correct, 12:30 tomorrow (Wednesday) but it will be held in the Main Hospital. After surgery I will spend 24 hours on the ICU ward in the brain unit. There won't be much visitation and I am pretty sure I won't be using any kind of communication device for a little while. Brad will lead the texts when I am out of surgery and on the ICU floor, but the surgery is scheduled for 4-6 hours so I don't know quite when that will be. On Thursday afternoon they will assign me to a room and move me. I should be home by Saturday morning at the latest. Since the ride home is two hours and I'm not sure how it will go, it would be really hard for us to transport anything from the hospital so I could just use your prayers and thoughts instead while I am there!


Today they used GPS technology with my MRI to pinpoint everything they need and I feel so very confident and I feel I am at the right place! I came home with markers stuck all over my face and the kids are having a fun time teasing me! This is a highly successful surgery and I feel very blessed that I am a candidate. We are packed and ready to go! Thanks for all the text messages, cards, care packages and the like...I am all set!

Time to get the show on the road...

If you know anything about me you know that I don't really like to sit. I love to get in the car and go, get things done, accomplish a long list of to-d0's each and every day. Oh how I love to make a list and cross things off!! So, right now the steriods are taking care of any dizziness and pain in my head, my hip is healing with rest and I am getting tired of being on crutches and limiting my activites!

I don't really know how to express how humbled I have been by the support shown by all my family and friends this week. The cards, e-mails, trips to the store, sleepovers and willingness to help out in any way have been so wonderful! I think we have been able to take a step back and formulate a plan so I really feel on top of things and ready for action! Seriously, the closer we get the less nervous I am.

The boys seem to be taking all of this in stride and it is helpful that Trent is old enough now to remember our last go-round with surgeries and treatments so he is not scared. He is cautious and curious and is super helpful! Ian has become such a good helper and listener and, although he gets frustrated sometimes, has delighted in learning some new skills like laundry! That is a huge relief as the boys are always at the top of my list!

So, I am just ready to get this show on the road! Here is the scoop: my preoperative appointments begin at 6am on Tuesday morning with a setup brain MRI at Hopkins then I have a series of preops to follow. Unfortunately for my brother, Scott, he volunteered to take me well before I had the times. I guess it is a good news/bad news situation...we will leave at 4:30am but we should have a good choice of parking in the garage!

My surgery will be held on Wednesday and is scheduled for 12:30pm at the Weinberg Center at Johns Hopkins Hospital. I have to be there at 10:30am. Again, a good news/bad news situation....although I usually prefer a really early surgery, this will give us an opportunity to get up at a regular time. Brad and I will drop Ian at Glen and Cindy's and then take Trent to school. For them, the morning will work just like any other basic Wednesday morning. That gives us plenty of time to sail into Baltimore!

Brad will be taking me to surgery and staying until I get into my room that night. If need be, he will stay, but I typically prefer to let the nurses help me when I am there because I realize I will need help when I get home. I will be in the hospital until Friday or Saturday and my dad will be brining me home. My brother Don and his wife Jackie and then my dad, will be there during the day to help out while I am getting back into shape! We have coverage for the kids and food and dogs and homework and school. I am so over the top that of course I have lists and will have the boys clothes packed in bags labeled with the days of the week. (Yeah, see this is why I need to get out of this chair!)

So what I will need this week are prayers. Prayers for the boys and prayers for everyone helping out! Oh, and pray that my surgeon has a great night sleep!

Another step in the journey

I am coordinating most of my visits through my Hopkins Medical Oncologist's Nurse Practicitioner, so when I received a message from her yesterday requesting I meet with the Hopkins Orthopeadic Oncologist today, I called in my volunteers and got ready. So, dad and I traveled there today to meet with Dr.Weber. For those of you who remember, she put a titanium rod and four screws in my left femur in August 2008. And I love her because she gets me. She knows I'm not there to gather dust and in 2008 she looked me in the eye and said I could plan at least one but probably two, nights in the hospital. I told looked right back and told her to have the discharge papers ready because I was walking out after a one-night stay. She had them ready and I was on my way. One night. Since that surgery in 2008, she and I have communicated via e-mail once in a while and I have a lot of confidence in her. So, today she assessed me and reviewed the xrays with me and told me that my small pelvic fracture is will not delay brain lesion surgery and is usually treated with radiation. My pelvis has been radiated before, but I am unsure of the size, dose and duration and my Radiation Oncologist is out until Monday. He is here at City, knows me well and I think he is wonderful. I have every confidence we will be talking on Monday.

What does this all mean? Well, basically some of the puzzle pieces are in place and now I have some other questions to investigate. The brain lesion means DO NOT DRIVE andm the pelvis fracture means DO NOT FALL. Although they do want me to move around, just assisted with crutches and/or a wheelchair. Tomorrow I should receive a call with all the times of my pre operative appointments which will take place at Johns Hopkins, Tuesday of next week. The surgery to remove my brain lesion will take place at Johns Hopkins, Wednesday of next week. I will post times when I have them.

Also, dealing with my kind of cancer takes a huge support group. This is going to be a long process and one thing I have learned is that I do much better when I take it in steps. I would like to really thank Glen and Cindy for helping take care of the boys. I want to thank my dad for being my chauffeur and conversationalist. Thanks to everyone at work for knowing I would really like to be in the office, but my schedule is so up in the air. Thanks so much to everyone for their kind words, e-mails and texts. The boys are set for Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. On Friday night they are going to sleepover with Brittany and Scott so Brad and I can sit down and talk everything over. We will set a plan for next week so everyone can be prepared for my call. If you offered to help, I may be calling YOU! LOL!

Something you should know is that I'm not scared. I feel confident. My kids seem to be adjusting well. We are paring down activities because the future may be a little uncertain(although I did go to Trent's game last night) . I know I am so fortunate to have a wonderful support group let by my best friend, Brad, who is also trying to digest all this information. You are all helping meet our needs and I know there are lots of prayers being said for us. It may be a little crazy right now, but it could be worse!!