The sun is shining!

After several weeks of rain, this morning I am looking out the window at a lush green lawn with streaming rays of sunshine! It is going to be a beautiful day! We are going to do some housework this morning and then head to Trent's baseball game this afternoon. Glen and Cindy are going to take the kids to a cousin's birthday party this evening and the boys are all packed for their sleepover with 'Memaw and Pepaw' tonight! Brad and I are going out to celebrate with a nice dinner. (And maybe a trip to the grocery store.)

We are celebrating because I saw my medical oncologist on Wednesday and she delieverd some very good news! My tumor marker (CEA) has gone from 189 to 62! The normal person would register a 32 so I am SOOOO headed in the right direction! My 15 days of brain radiation ends on Tuesday so we will celebrate that as well!

I started my Xeloda again yesterday. My doctor and I discussed some ways to better deal with the side effects and so far they seem to be working! My radiation side effects haven't been that bad. My head is burnt, my mouth is dry and my hair is pretty much gone. Last time I just shaved it, but this time my scalp is much to tender for that. There was something oddly cathartic about standing in the back yard, rubbing my hands through my hair and watching it all float away on the breeze.

I have decided that life is way to unpredictable and busy to spend too much time worrying about things like side effects. This week some very good friends of ours lost their father to a sudden heart attack. I can't in a million years imagine how they must be feeling so if you have a few minutes, I would really appreciate a quick prayer for them as they go through the grieving process. Life is just way too short and very fragile. And it is so important to enjoy each day.... celebrate all those little victories while the sun is shining.

The Shoe

When my cancer came back in 2008, my oncologist gave Brad and I some advice. She said, "Now that you are stage 4, you need to think about the things you want to do and do them. Don't wait and say you will do them next year." Shortly after that doctors visit, I told Brad I really wanted to take the kids to Disney. It took almost a year, but we saved, studied and planned and made the trip happen. At the time Trent was five and Ian was two. In a perfect world, I would have waited until they were a little older, but it turned out all right and we had a great time!

A couple of days ago I unearthed the scrap book I made from our Disney trip. The boys and I huddled in bed looking at the pictures and talking about our wonderful memories we made. When we got to the end of the book, Trent motioned to the very back which has a picture of a shoe with writing on it. I had totally forgotten the shoe story, but it made me laugh as I read it to them. The story on the shoe said:

'When Brad looked at this scrap book he pointed out that one key story had yet to be told. The story consists of a shoe, a hotel safe, two little boys, and one security guard. Our first morning Brad tried to lock the laptop in the room safe, but couldn't get the door to open. So, the second morning when I saw that Ian had opened the safe my only thoughts were of what a bright two-year-old he must be. Both boys then huddled around the safe while Brad and I finished getting everything ready for the day. Once we were dressed, the backpacks were packed and the room straightened we asked the boys to put on their shoes. That is when Trents started laughing and said, "Ian put his shoe in the safe and closed it, that means he can't go." Upon further investigation, we discovered that Ian was FRAMED! To add insult to injury, clever Trent had locked not Ian's, but his OWN shoe in the safe. It quickly became the scene of chaos. Trent sobbing that he was going to be left behind, Brad yelling about how we can't take the boys anywhere, and Ian with both shoes, jacket and backpack on repeating, "I ready to go now." We had to wait about 10 minutes for the stoic security guard to come and open the safe. That's when I could finally start laughing.'

A LONG distance call

My mom and I went through our phases throughout life, just as I would guess most mothers and daughters do. As I matured and grew we became what I considered best friends in my 20's. When I lived in Charleston, we talked several times a day on the phone. When I moved back to Martinsburg and long distance calls were no longer an issue, we talked all the time. Dad and my brothers used to tease us about our frequent calls so much that I started keeping track. The average was five calls a day. I have no idea what we had to talk about so frequently, but I do wonder if she were here today if I would have to 'up' my texting plan. When I was traveling and she was sick, I would call her in the morning before class, when I dismissed the class for lunch, and at at least once in the evening before I went to bed. It was just what we did.

My mom died on December 13, 2002. Trent was born on June 14, 2003. Looking back on my life prior to then, I believe they were the most profound events with the largest impact on me. I still think about how close they were to meeting each other. I will never forget the warm day in April 2004 when Trent took his first step in our family room. I grabbed the cordless phone and hit the talk button before I realized what I was doing. We had experienced so many of his 'firsts' that year, but it was something about him walking that made me grab that phone. I slowly put it down with a smile.

In the years since her death I realize she has been with me many times, but it isn't the same as being able to pick up the phone. We never shared a Mother's Day and I feel like I should have made a bigger deal out of the day when she was here. I hope she knew how much our entire family appreciated her.

Tomorrow Brad is cooking a big meal and our families are coming over to celebrate all the 'mothers' in our lives. So, to everyone who has lost their mother, is celebrating with their mother, is a mother, or serves as a mother figure to someone...I hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day!

Wednesday...the beginning AND the end...

This morning dad and I traveled to Johns Hopkins to review my most recent brain MRI with my radiation oncologist who had treated me after my brain tumor. The findings weren't too favorable this time. The membrane or 'saran wrap' around my brain is more swollen this time indicating that the cancer has spread. Unfortunatley the chemotherapy is not very effective against this kind of metastasis so she recommends whole brain radiation. I quickly shot out a few questions about this radiation, but I was a little unorganized since I wasn't really expecting news like this. Whole brain is a daily radiation and she recommended seeing my radiation oncologist here in Martinsburg for treatment. That worked well since I was due at his office at 4pm for shoulder radiation.

So, good old Doctor Kiggundu has scheduled me for whole brain radiation setup tomorrow afternoon. I have a list of questions for him. I do know that I will have severe fatigue, get another wonderful mask, and will lose my hair. But truthfully, I am more interested in driving restrictions. So, tonight I am headed outside to hang out with the boys and tomorrow I am going to work. And Wednesday will mark the end of my shoulder radiation and the beginning of my whole brain radiation. I can't believe I just bought a giant new bottle of shampoo. Dang!