A good January!

Wow! It has be a while since I have written. I know it has been too long when I start getting e-mails. This has been a good month for us! Since I last wrote, Ian celebrated his 5th birthday and lost his first tooth! He is growing up so fast and is such a silly little guy! He certainly keeps me on my toes. Although he started wrestling, I think the sport is a little too intense for him this year, so he is going to sit out until next year. Something a little less serious, like soccer, is on his list for the spring.

Trent continues to wrestle and he is doing really well! He really enjoys it, and I love to watch him working hard. His record is 3 wins, 3 losses but his confidence is really building so I think this will be a good year! He was a little disappointed at the end of the grading period to learn that he did get one 'B', but I thought that was excellent! He is very excited to be learning cursive writing. (I can remember being excited about that too.)

This month I have tried to concentrate on spending time with the boys. I wanted to have some one-on-one time to talk, but I mostly try to listen. Ian and I had 'date night' while Trent spent the night with a friend, then Ian had a sleepover with Memaw and Pepaw so Trent and I could have 'date night.' They get to pick where we eat and the DVD we watch and I try to help the conversation along. I think they seem much more relaxed and I really enjoy spending time with them.

Last week I met with a councelor and he helped me with some conversation starters for the boys. He has known our families (both Brad's and mine) since I was a child and I think he will be a great third party for the boys to talk to. He is going to help us through the healing process while navigating the future together.

I have been feeling pretty good. I am trying to keep up with the routine. On Sunday evening I sit down and write out a daily schedule of rides, practices, school schedules, paperwork, meals, and appointments. I spend the week looking at that list and trying not to forget things. I did miss a chemo in January because my white blood cell count was very low. I was a little disappointed, but they tell me that there isn't anything I can do to make it better. My doctor made some adjustments to the dose and frequency. The following week, my count had rebounded and I got my chemo without issue! Chemo is scheduled again next Wednesday so I am hoping that my bloodwork is good and we can get into a pattern.

January has also been a good month for cleaning and the boys and dad have been helping me clean out and get organized. I have a new list of projects and I am trying to squeeze them in! There is just nothing like crossing things off a list to motivate this girl! I hope everyone is having a productive January too!

My favorite thing

Christmas, New Years, and my 37th birthday have come and gone.

One of my friends posted birthday wishes on my Facebook page and asked what my favorite part of my birthday was. It only took me a few minutes to realize that the best part of my birthday was that it was the start of getting back to normal. Brad's death in mid-September was a total shock and, by the time my head started to wrap around what had happened, it was Halloween. Four days after Halloween I was life flighted to Hopkins for a week long stay in the hospital. Then there was trying to deal with 'life' and cancer and paperwork while still trying to wrap my head around Brad's death. Then it was Thanksgiving and decorating and trying to keep up with our family traditions and school plays and school parties and Christmas. Then it was celebrating and keeping on my happy face. We celebrated my birthday with a big dinner a day early since everyone was returning to work and school on the 3rd.

So here is what was so special about my birthday: I woke up in my bed at 5:45am after a night of good sleep, I took a shower without needing help or using my shower seat, I walked into the kids rooms and woke them up, I organized wrestling bags and bookbags, I drove them to school, and I went to work. My co workers bought me lunch and a red velvet cheesecake and I was able to eat both! The pediatrician called to tell me Trent's brain MRI was normal which made me want to jump up and party! I went home a little early and did two loads of laundry without help and started cleaning the toys up in the basement. When the boys got home from practice I sent them upstairs to shower, then read them a story. Then I got changed and put myself in bed, told Brad that I loved him and I miss him every day. Then I went to sleep.

If you would have asked me ten years ago what I would want to do on my 37th birthday, who knows what I would have said. But, for the here-and-now, in the life that I lead, it was a great day. It was what I pray for every day...another day with the people that I love and who love me. I wish everyone love and happiness in 2012!!