A good visit!

Yesterday my sister-in-law Michelle picked the boys and I up early in the morning. After dropping the boys at Brad's parents house, we headed down the road to meet with my oncologist at Johns Hopkins. I had anticipated getting orders for follow up scans and a perscription for a new Chemotheraphy drug which I had already researched. As we chatted, I told her I was trying to time the start of the drug which listed several typical chemo side effects. I was starting to dread the nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, bone pain, muscle pain, tiredness, and overall feeling of yuck. I had also read that the drug interacted with blood thinners like Coumadin (which I am still taking) and knew close monitoring was going to needed. Translation: increased blood draws.

We zipped right into Baltimore, chatting the entire way. We didn't spend much time in the waiting area before my doctor was ready for us and she had a slight change of plans for me! Since my cancer returned in 2008, I have had success on estrogen blocking agents instead of harsh chemo. Each drug works for a period of time and then we switch. This has allowed me to spend the last two years going about the normal tasks of living and loving the simple things like working and playing and enjoying the kids!

Turns out there is a drug that has been used for some time with little success, but a new study changed the dosing of the drug and it has been so successful that the FDA has now changed the old dosing to that of the study. The benefits to trying the drug are many. First, the side effects are like those of the others I have taken: hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings. Secondly, the drug does not have the severe interaction with Coumadin and I will be on the Coumadin for at least six months. Finally, this drug does not slow the healing process like a chemo drug does, thus allowing my pelvis to contine healing.

According to my doctor, the study has shown positive results for 10-12 months in halting and/or reversing the progression of the disease, but since it is all so new, they are unsure of any longer term results. I am always hesitant when switching drugs. I just pray that it works. I realize that eventually I am headed toward chemo and then I will run through those drugs. However, if I can have a chance at returning to my life as normal as possible, I am going to jump up and run with it! If they can find a drug that works that doesn't include side effects a mile long that will make me feel so sick, I'm going to try it out!

So, I got my first dose yesterday. Two shots. One in each butt muscle with a needle that I was glad I didn't see until she was done! LOL! I will return in two weeks for another dose, then again in two weeks for another dose. Then it becomes a monthly process. I have to schedule some repeat scans and they will keep a close eye on me throughout the next couple of months.

I should probably be hesitant because I do realize what I am dealing with. However, I feel so good! I am not on any pain meds, my kids are healthy, I can move around with my cane, and everything seems to be looking up! I'm really looking forward to Friday when my brothers and their families will be here to celebrate Christmas! AND, after 31 years, my dad's last day of work is today! There just seem to be so many things to celebrate that I can't help but be happy!

Happy New Years!!

Merry Christmas!!!

I didn't realize that it had been so long since I posted an update. I finished the radiation on my pelvis and got strict instructions to continue rest. So, I have still been sitting a lot. However, I have been using my cane around the house which gives me better mobility thus making me feel better mentally. My left leg is still really swollen so we have been trying to elevate it as much as possible and it seems to have loosened up a little. We have also spent the last two weeks preparing for Christmas, making cookies and gingerbread trains, looking at Christmas lights, watching Christmas movies, going to Christmas programs, and counting the weeks with our Advent wreath!!

The last two weeks have also been marked with some sadness as we have three groups of friends who are close to us who are experiencing loss. We pray for them daily and hope that they will experience peace this Christmas season. They are all such strong families and we admire their faith and strength.

As the excitement for tomorrow morning mounts for the boys, I can't help but think about how many things we have to be thankful for this Christmas. I have been thinking about this brain tumor that they removed in November. It was big. I could have been driving the kids to school one day and had a massive seizure, but they found it before something terrible like that happened. And the blood clot, well that could have ended badly as well. But it didn't.

I am also thankful and humbled by the all the people who have helped get us through the past two months. I feel so unworthy of the outpouring of support that we have received. Just when we think ends won't meet, or the tank is on empty, or what we are going to have for dinner; our needs are met. My in-laws who get up extra early to pick up the boys and get them to school and shuttle them around, entertain them, feed them dinner when Brad is running late, and send food. My dad who takes the kids to movies, shuttles us around, even taking us to look at Christmas lights. People who come and visit and play with the kids to break up their day. Jan, who came and helped me bake Christmas cookies with the kids. Aly who (yes this is the test of a true friend) shaved my legs because I can't bend to do it. Jackie who cuts our hair so we don't have to drag everyone out in the cold. All the emails and text messages, just to check on us to make sure we have what we need.

I knew I worked with a group of very special people at parks & recreation. Over the years, we have all become close and throughout the past two months they have brought me lunch and taken turns checking on me during the day when I was home alone, brought dinners, came to see me in the hospital, randomly checked in on me to make sure we had what we needed, helped with rides, and sent cards. I felt so bad the day that I went into work because they had worked so hard to rearrange my office to accommodate the wheelchair and had it so clean. They were all so excited, and then I ended up in the hospital with the blood clot. Leave it to me to ruin the fun!

But, their biggest surprise of all came yesterday when Aly showed up with a huge basket of treats and a gigantic bag full of Christmas presents for the boys. You see, they all wanted the kids to have the most magical Christmas this year and I was so shocked I was up most of the night trying to figure out how in the world I could ever thank them. Some of the presents are wrapped, so even I will be surprised tomorrow morning when the gifts get open! I know that everyone that works at Parks & Recreation has gone through rough patches in their lives and I know that they all have families of their own to take care of. I feel blessed and humbled that they would do something like this for us.

So, this Christmas I am thankful to be sharing this time with my family and I am thankful that we have so many friends and family who have already taught us the meaning of Christmas.

A long week

Well, I knew going into this week that it would be a long one. And it didn't disappoint. It began on Monday with a trip to Hopkins first thing for a rather long first radiation. Then Scott drove me back to Martinsburg for hip radiation and bloodwork to check my Coumidin levels. Then a stop by the pharmacy to fill a perscription for a low dose of steriods. It was a long day and I remember telling Brad that I wasn't sure I could do the radiation at Hopkins.

For brain radiation, they make a mask of your head and upper shoulders. It is a mesh-like white thing that starts as warm plastic and makes a hard cast mold. The purpose is to keep you exactly still in the same spot each time. But, when they strap you on the table with it so tight that you can barely breathe, it is a feeling like none other. Then they had me cross my arms and put a bar across them so they wouldn't move either. That first day I lay there like that for about 45 minutes while they took several CT scans and made sure everything lined up exactly perfect so the fields of radiation were positioned. I really didn't think I could do it for two more days. But, guess what? I did. And I didn't require any sedation. And I have a real sense of accomplishment from seeing that phase of this battle through. Although, I was a little surprised to hear that the fatigue from these three sessions would last 'about a month.'

Thanks to my sister-in-law, Michelle and my dad for taking me on Tuesday and Wednesday. I figured out how to take some pretty good naps in the car on the way down and back. To say the least I am happy to have that part out of the way! Thanks to my friend Jan and her son, Josh, who happens to be my dentist. I am armed with all the things I need to combat the dry mouth and keep my teeth and gums clean! I also appreciate all the food and 'extras' that she brought out to me! Brittany and Jan took me to radiation here in Martinsburg which rounded out my week.

This afternoon Brad took me to my general practictioner to follow up on the blood clot. I will remain on coumidin and will get blood work done to check the level periodically. He said it will take more time for the swelling to go down in my leg, but I'm getting pretty good at sitting with it elevated!

I really appreciate all the food that has been brought out this week! We have enough food to get us through another week! I really don't know what we would do without so many people taking care of us. It is truly a blessing!

For the most part, when I'm not going to doctors appointments, I am sleeping. I did have some nausea last weekend, but that was quickly fixed with some anti-nausea meds and I am able to eat again. So I would say that although it has been a long week, I think it has been a good week. I have five more radiation treatments on my pelvis next week and one blood draw. That is going to give me plenty of time to get well rested and get ready for school Christmas programs and get on top of some paperwork around here. All and all I am feeling really good! I think I am going to give my body some rest and try to focus on Christmas and making it super special for the boys this year!

Back down the road we go!

First, I have to apologize for the typos in the previous post. I was trying to type it quickly when the discharge nurse came in with my orders. I didn't get a chance to read it over before publishing it!

I have spent most of the weekend resting. My leg is still pretty swollen so I've had it propped up and we have gone to the hospital daily for bloodwork. I started getting some bouts of nausea yesterday and last night they would wake me up. Because of the timing, I can assume this is a side effect of the pelvis radiation. So I called the oncologist on call at the hospital who hooked me up with a perscription for anti-nausea meds. I feel much better now. I was able to eat lunch and I think the ride to Hopkins will be much more pleasant tomorrow.

Scott is going to drive me tomorrow and we have to leave around 6:30am to get to Hopkins for my 9am radiation. Then we will come back to Martinsburg in hopes that we can hit an afternoon time for pelvis radiation. I also need to get bloodwork at the hospital. For me, this is a pretty full day and I will do this three days in a row. Please don't worry about me if there aren't any posts this week as I will be tired from the radiation on top of all the driving and appointments.

Thanks to everyone who brought me food and kept me company at the hospital! It is good to be home with the boys as we countdown to Christmas!!

Some surprises are good!

Yesterday, my doctor surprised me by suggesting I have a filter inserted that would in essense catch any clot that was formed in my legs or pelvis before it reached my lungs. After a little discussion, I decided it was a good idea and he said that it would be planned for today. He surprised me again when he said they could probably just do it 'in a few hours.' It was a very interesting procedure and was over in about an hour. I had to lay flat for about four hours afterwards. Poor dad was here for a visit and ended up staying through the procedure and feeding me dinner.

Today when I was coming back from radiation today I ran into my doctor in the elevator. We talked for a few minutes and I came back to my room and went about my sitting. My friend Jaimee brought me lunch and we visited for a while and then I settled down for a little nap! I had just closed my eyes when I heard footsteps. It was my doctor and this time he said that he had been thinking and with the screen in place, he felt comfortable taking me off the heparin. So he made me promise a few things: I will take the Coumadin in the evening and come to the hospital Saturday and Sunday morning for bloodwork. (I will do bloodwork each day for a week); I will rest and relax; and if I have a fever, headache, or chest pain I will "get my ass back in here" then I can go home.

My great friend, Aly, is going to bring the wheelchair from work and pick me up!

Goodbye November!

I think it is fair to say that this November has not been my favorite month ever. As a matter of fact, it is pretty close to my LEAST favorite month ever. The last day of November proved true to the rest of my month and it is going out with a bang!

Today was supposed to be my day back to work. Aly had figured out how to arrange my office furniture so my wheelchair would fit and the maintenance guys had come and moved it all around. All the girls had cleaned and vacuumed so when I got there today I was so excited to wheel right into an office that was not only wheelchair friendly, but also very clean. It felt so good to sit at my desk again! When ten o'clock rolled around Lisa loaded me up and we headed to radiation. Then, what started as a quick radiation session turned into a marathon event.

I have noticed some swelling in my leg so I asked to see the doctor after radiation. My doctor is out of town, but they had a doctor covering so I showed her the swelling. She called my family doctor and he ordered an ultrasound. After the ultrasound I was admitted to the hospital with a bloodclot. The doctors called my neurosurgeon at Hopkins and agreed that a head CT was needed to make sure that there wasn't any bleeding in my brain. When it turned up clear, the doctors started a Heparin drip and tomorrow I will start on an oral blood thinner. Tomorrow evening I will have another head CT to make sure there is still no bleeding. When the blood thinner levels are where the doctor want them to be, they will release me. This could take one to several days.

I guess the good news is that I am in WVU Hospital East (City Hospital) in Martinsburg and Brad brought the boys to see me tonight. Since I have had five surgeries in the past seven years and have spent my fair share of time in the hospital, I have always been able to prepare them for my overnight stays. This was a surprise so I was glad they could come and see that I was OK. Ian was eager to point out all the neat things you will find in a hospital room while I noticed tears in Trent's eyes several times. And that is really really hard.

Another good part of being here is that I can see the building where I get radiation out my window and tomorrow they will transport me down the road for my pelvis radiation. So, I won't miss any radiation days!

So, if you ever had one of those days that didn't quite turn out the way you expected, you know how I feel tonight. I'm going to shut this laptop down and get some rest. Tomorrow is a new day, a new month even and I am going to say a prayer that December is a good one!

Christmas Trees

I really like live Christmas trees. When I was in high school, our family started going to a local tree farm that made the Christmas tree experience seem magical. There were wagons pulled by horses that took us out into acres and acres of trees. As we were riding the driver would describe the kinds of trees available in each section and we would pick the field where we wanted dropped off. We would walk through what seemed like endless rows of trees trying to find the perfect one. I always felt we were on the hunt for the biggest tree we could find that would fit from floor to ceiling. Each year we alternated the person who made the final decision and, once that decision was made, one of the boys would crawl under the tree with the saw. We would drag it to the dirt trail where it would be bound and loaded on the wagon with us. The children who lived on the farm always put on a live nativity that the wagon passed on the way back to the barn where hot chocolate and cookies waited. Then dad paid for the tree and we headed home for Eggnog, Christmas music, and decorating. It made for some great family memories.

The first year Christmas in our house, we found that tree farm from my childhood only to discover that it had closed. Luckily we live way out in the country and on the way home we followed some signs to another tree farm. The owner was so kind and explained that he had lost a lot of his larger trees to disease. He was so nice that we couldn't leave without a tree so we found a small one and headed home. I have to admit that we were a little disappointed that it was so small and only held about half our ornaments, but it served its purpose.

The following year we found another tree farm nearby. Trent was two and he trudged through the snow with us. As we were walking he started giving me a funny look and when I looked down he was missing a boot. So, back we went in search of the missing boot. We eventually found both the boot and a tree. We paid the gentleman for the tree then started loading the truck when we realized that Trent had had a blowout of magnitude proportions. He was wearing a snow suit. You can use your imagination to fill in the blanks on that one. It wasn't until we got this tree home that we realized that the trunk was somehow twisted into a right angle. Even with our super duper deluxe tree stand, it never stood quite right.

The next year Brad was determined to set things straight. He went to Lowes and searched through the trees for one with a straight trunk and good shape. The tree he picked was perfect and stood tall from the stand to the ceiling. Trent was three and I was eight months pregnant with Ian. We decorated the tree and it was absolutely beautiful. And it never drank a drop of water. By the week before Christmas I was afraid to turn the lights on and by Christmas day the tree was brown. It is the first time in my life that I undecorated a tree the day after Christmas. Also on the day after Christmas, Brad returned to Lowes and bought a 7 foot, pre-lit Christmas tree.

Every year when we set up our tree we laugh about our quest for a live tree. To be honest, I was getting tired of the red prickly rash on my hands for a week after putting the lights on anyway. There are a lot of good air scents on the market today that make the house smell just as good!

Yesterday Brad brought the box up and put the tree together. I sat and unwrapped ornaments while the boys excitedly waited for familiar ones to appear. They were so excited to decorate the tree. They have even added a few army men so it looks like Andy's tree in Toy Story! Last year Santa brought Trent a Lego Train which surrounds the bottom along with the Fisher Price Manger. As I sit here looking at it I think we have finally achieved the perfect tree!

A Happy Thankgiving

We had a very Happy Thanksgiving this year with two celebrations with our families! We went to Scott and Brittany's house and enjoyed the afternoon with my dad, Don, Jackie, Felix, Amelia and Brittanys parents and brother. It was good to see everyone, enjoy a great meal, and visit while watching football. I was a little sleepy and dozed on the couch while listening to everyone chat and the kids play! Then we went to my sister-in-law Michelle's beautiful new house in the evening and enjoyed time with Brad's parents, Michelle's husband Chip and Grandma Copenhaver. We had another delicious meal and we so full we had to bring our desserts home!

This Thanksgiving I am so thankful for all the people who are helping us. From those who have come to the house to sit with me, everyone who has helped stock our fridge and freezer, friends who have taken the kids out for some fun, all those who are helping with rides, our parents who have gone well above and beyond to help us, our siblings who have taken time from their jobs and families to help, our realitives both near and far who have helped in so many ways. I am thankful for my husband, because he working so hard to take good care of all of us. I so thankful for Trent and Ian. They are my heart. I know they miss our old routine, but they are being very patient with all the changes and I am so proud to be their mother.

I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving and is enjoying the rest of this holiday weekend!

Set up for another step!

Today the kids had school and I had an 8am doctors appointmentwith Dr. K, my radiation oncologist in Martinsburg. He treated me in 2008 when my bone metastasis began. I think very highly of him and would recommend him to anyone facing radiation treatment! After an exam, a discussion and a set-up CT, he is working on a plan to radiate the left side of my pelvis. His office will call me on Monday and I will begin treatments on Monday or Tuesday of next week. On my first day of radiation they will tell me how many treatments I will have and at what time of day so I can start working on rides when I hear from them on Monday. Again, thank you to everyone who has offered to help with transportation! I know it is a hike out to our house and I really appreciate your generosity! I will be calling!

Because of the fracture and the cancer in the pelvis, I am going to be using a walker, crutches and a wheelchair for quite some time. I will just have to be patient and try to focus on the fact that the pelvis can be treated and, with some tender loving care I can work my way back!

It was an early morning...

We started out early this morning! I was to meet with a team of doctors, discuss the plan, have the necessary MRI and CT Scan for radation setup, have my stitches removed, follow up with the surgeon, and get fitted for my radiation mask. For a girl who just had brain surgery and was still very anxious and scattered (a result of this medication), I thought that was a pretty full day! Dad was the chauffeur today and he came to the house and loaded the boys and I into the van well before the sun started to rise. We got into the van and quickly went through the checklist. Bookbag. Lunchbox. Coats. Crutches. Wheelchair. Check. Check. Check. Check.

Then, dad turned the key to the van and......click...click....click....click.

Luckily some jumper cables fixed the situation, but I believe you could have bought any one of us for a dime when that minivan didn't start!

We did sail through to Hopkins and made all of my appointments. I have to say that I felt somewhat like they rolled out the red carpet for my arrival as I was surrounded by doctors, and technicians and nurses. I will be receiving a very specific targeted form of radiation to the tumor bed. I am scheduled to be at Hopkins three days in a row in December: the 6th, 7th and 8th. I can be driven back and forth to these appointments. As with all treatments, there are side effects, and we will face them as they come. The good news is that with this follow up radiation, they feel very positive about the situation.

In the meantime, I am still healing and every day I am able to focus a little better and as the steriods are leaving my system I am feeling more like myself. I have an appointment on Tuesday to meet with my local radiation oncologist to discuss ways to treat the pelvis fracture.

I want to thank everyone for everything! My wonderful neighbor Jackie spent her day off pampering me on Tuesday morning and I felt like a new person! The girls at the office have been coming to check on me during the day and keep me company! The cards and food and prayers. I don't know how I would ever face something so challenging without so many people!

The start to a week!

The weekend is ending and I think we are all feeling good about closing up last week and heading to a new one!

I want to go back to my homecoming Friday and, thank the 'hill top gang' of great neighbors that we have for filling my fridge with such a wonderful variety of food! I don't know how you found such a great selection, but there was something for everyone all weekend and we are still stocked!

Thanks to my expert hair dresser Jackie for working with my hair! You have no idea how refreshed that made me feel! Thanks to everyone for their cards and their prayers and all the e-mails!

Now that I am working off the steriods I am starting to feel tired and hope to get some sleep tonight. I do appreciate all the offers for food and meals, but right now we have plenty and since I am doing a lot of sitting I am trying to not borrow too much trouble by doing too much eating!

When I was in college, I had the privledge to become a member of a wonderful sorority, Alpha Gamma Delta. I still keep in touch with so many of the outstanding women with which I became close and, looking back, being part of that sorority truly did shape and grow my confidence as a young adult. On Saturday a package was in the mail from Linda Xander, a wonderful advisor with which I worked and am so happy to call my friend. The box was filled with some samples of yummies from her business including chocolate squirrels (our mascot). The boys love the squirrels Linda...they thought it was pretty funny that someone sent them chocolate squirrels!!

I do know that dad and I will be back down the road on Wednesday to Baltimore and I will gather more information about the radiation then. But, for now I am going to get my game shirt on and break out my terrible towel. Go Steelers!!

I'm back....well kind of

So, I had to laugh out loud when I read Brad's post! How in the world does he know me so well?

They boys were so glad to see me last night and I had them dressed in surgical masks and hats with some other examples of 'hospital' supplies that my wonderful nurses had helped me put in my bags. I don't know how to thank everyone for helping them because you know how hard it is when mom is down!

My head feels very good and I will meet with the surgeon on Wednesday. Since I am traveling he is even going to meet me at the radiation clinic at Hopkins so he can remove the stitches and we can begin the plan. This will be a little different from other body radiation, but he said it will be very direct. I will post more when I have that plan.

The issue leaving the hospital became the stabalization of this fracture in my pelvis and I am moving with walkers, crutches and a wheelchair. I will address this problem with another doctor who has treated me here in Martinsburg and begin that when I can.

A note about steriods. When they found the lesion in the brain they immediately took me up to very high dose of steriods to keep the swelling down. Really early yesterday began the downslide. Yeah. WOW! It is a gradual reduction in which you may think something you are saying or doing is sane, but it pretty much isn't. So, If I have called or texted because I feel 'normal' please disreguard. Likewise, I may stay light on the posting until I am more myself. It is funny because when I leave the hospital I usually have strict instructions on pain medication. But this time, they all wished me 'well' with the steriods. As Brad was trying to help me with my hair last night, I caught a glimpse of my head in the mirror and my face has kind of taken on the shape of the characters in the Wall-E movie after they have been on the ship for a while. I don't think the kids have caught on to that yet, but if I pull out the movie later, I bet they get it! The swelling will do down with the meds and each day I will feel more and more like myself again!

We are going to try to have a quiet weekend as I kind of anticipate now mostly dealing with the mood swings. Say a prayer for Brad!

Love and thanks to everyone!

Post surgery update posted by Brad

Hello sorry for the late post on the Toni's update we have been very busy. I think most of you know her condition through texting and phone calls. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers.
Toni is doing great and the surgeon (the best neurosurgeon in Hopkins) is very pleased with his results of the surgery. Toni is doing great with very little pain meds scheduled to come home today (Friday) after a post op head MRI this morning to see if any tumor was left behind. The surgeon is suggesting a few pinpoint radiation treatments in a few weeks to make sure the tumor is gone.
Toni is hoping to have a relaxing weekend with the kids, as per doctors orders "plenty of rest and relaxation".
I'm sure she will post another update as soon as she can get a laptop in her hands.

Long day!

It has been a very long day with all the preops that go with surgery. I am so thankful for Scott who took the day off and showed up at my house with a warm drink at 4am! We made all our appointments and he expertly navigated a wheelchair throughout several buildings and back at Johns Hopkins! Thanks to Brad and Glen and Cindy for getting the boys to school today and playing with them until we got home!


My surgery time is correct, 12:30 tomorrow (Wednesday) but it will be held in the Main Hospital. After surgery I will spend 24 hours on the ICU ward in the brain unit. There won't be much visitation and I am pretty sure I won't be using any kind of communication device for a little while. Brad will lead the texts when I am out of surgery and on the ICU floor, but the surgery is scheduled for 4-6 hours so I don't know quite when that will be. On Thursday afternoon they will assign me to a room and move me. I should be home by Saturday morning at the latest. Since the ride home is two hours and I'm not sure how it will go, it would be really hard for us to transport anything from the hospital so I could just use your prayers and thoughts instead while I am there!


Today they used GPS technology with my MRI to pinpoint everything they need and I feel so very confident and I feel I am at the right place! I came home with markers stuck all over my face and the kids are having a fun time teasing me! This is a highly successful surgery and I feel very blessed that I am a candidate. We are packed and ready to go! Thanks for all the text messages, cards, care packages and the like...I am all set!

Time to get the show on the road...

If you know anything about me you know that I don't really like to sit. I love to get in the car and go, get things done, accomplish a long list of to-d0's each and every day. Oh how I love to make a list and cross things off!! So, right now the steriods are taking care of any dizziness and pain in my head, my hip is healing with rest and I am getting tired of being on crutches and limiting my activites!

I don't really know how to express how humbled I have been by the support shown by all my family and friends this week. The cards, e-mails, trips to the store, sleepovers and willingness to help out in any way have been so wonderful! I think we have been able to take a step back and formulate a plan so I really feel on top of things and ready for action! Seriously, the closer we get the less nervous I am.

The boys seem to be taking all of this in stride and it is helpful that Trent is old enough now to remember our last go-round with surgeries and treatments so he is not scared. He is cautious and curious and is super helpful! Ian has become such a good helper and listener and, although he gets frustrated sometimes, has delighted in learning some new skills like laundry! That is a huge relief as the boys are always at the top of my list!

So, I am just ready to get this show on the road! Here is the scoop: my preoperative appointments begin at 6am on Tuesday morning with a setup brain MRI at Hopkins then I have a series of preops to follow. Unfortunately for my brother, Scott, he volunteered to take me well before I had the times. I guess it is a good news/bad news situation...we will leave at 4:30am but we should have a good choice of parking in the garage!

My surgery will be held on Wednesday and is scheduled for 12:30pm at the Weinberg Center at Johns Hopkins Hospital. I have to be there at 10:30am. Again, a good news/bad news situation....although I usually prefer a really early surgery, this will give us an opportunity to get up at a regular time. Brad and I will drop Ian at Glen and Cindy's and then take Trent to school. For them, the morning will work just like any other basic Wednesday morning. That gives us plenty of time to sail into Baltimore!

Brad will be taking me to surgery and staying until I get into my room that night. If need be, he will stay, but I typically prefer to let the nurses help me when I am there because I realize I will need help when I get home. I will be in the hospital until Friday or Saturday and my dad will be brining me home. My brother Don and his wife Jackie and then my dad, will be there during the day to help out while I am getting back into shape! We have coverage for the kids and food and dogs and homework and school. I am so over the top that of course I have lists and will have the boys clothes packed in bags labeled with the days of the week. (Yeah, see this is why I need to get out of this chair!)

So what I will need this week are prayers. Prayers for the boys and prayers for everyone helping out! Oh, and pray that my surgeon has a great night sleep!

Another step in the journey

I am coordinating most of my visits through my Hopkins Medical Oncologist's Nurse Practicitioner, so when I received a message from her yesterday requesting I meet with the Hopkins Orthopeadic Oncologist today, I called in my volunteers and got ready. So, dad and I traveled there today to meet with Dr.Weber. For those of you who remember, she put a titanium rod and four screws in my left femur in August 2008. And I love her because she gets me. She knows I'm not there to gather dust and in 2008 she looked me in the eye and said I could plan at least one but probably two, nights in the hospital. I told looked right back and told her to have the discharge papers ready because I was walking out after a one-night stay. She had them ready and I was on my way. One night. Since that surgery in 2008, she and I have communicated via e-mail once in a while and I have a lot of confidence in her. So, today she assessed me and reviewed the xrays with me and told me that my small pelvic fracture is will not delay brain lesion surgery and is usually treated with radiation. My pelvis has been radiated before, but I am unsure of the size, dose and duration and my Radiation Oncologist is out until Monday. He is here at City, knows me well and I think he is wonderful. I have every confidence we will be talking on Monday.

What does this all mean? Well, basically some of the puzzle pieces are in place and now I have some other questions to investigate. The brain lesion means DO NOT DRIVE andm the pelvis fracture means DO NOT FALL. Although they do want me to move around, just assisted with crutches and/or a wheelchair. Tomorrow I should receive a call with all the times of my pre operative appointments which will take place at Johns Hopkins, Tuesday of next week. The surgery to remove my brain lesion will take place at Johns Hopkins, Wednesday of next week. I will post times when I have them.

Also, dealing with my kind of cancer takes a huge support group. This is going to be a long process and one thing I have learned is that I do much better when I take it in steps. I would like to really thank Glen and Cindy for helping take care of the boys. I want to thank my dad for being my chauffeur and conversationalist. Thanks to everyone at work for knowing I would really like to be in the office, but my schedule is so up in the air. Thanks so much to everyone for their kind words, e-mails and texts. The boys are set for Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. On Friday night they are going to sleepover with Brittany and Scott so Brad and I can sit down and talk everything over. We will set a plan for next week so everyone can be prepared for my call. If you offered to help, I may be calling YOU! LOL!

Something you should know is that I'm not scared. I feel confident. My kids seem to be adjusting well. We are paring down activities because the future may be a little uncertain(although I did go to Trent's game last night) . I know I am so fortunate to have a wonderful support group let by my best friend, Brad, who is also trying to digest all this information. You are all helping meet our needs and I know there are lots of prayers being said for us. It may be a little crazy right now, but it could be worse!!

Just when I think I'm on top of things

I really did believe that I was getting the hang of our routine. Kids, work, school, sports, family, and the like. I thought I had it all under control. It is funny how life comes along two hours before trick-or-treating and turns it all around for you!

I don’t know when they started, but sometimes I would have spells that caused my head to thump really loudly when I went from sitting to standing or vice versa. I didn’t pay much attention to them until last week when the thumping was accompanied by migraine-like pain. Not taking migraines lightly, but by Wednesday the pain was about 15 times that of a migraine. It was strange, only hitting me sporadically when I was transitioning from sitting to standing and then the thumping and pain would go away; always worse in the morning and practically disappearing in the evening. Like a good girl, I thought it was weird so I decided it was worth checking out, my oncologist agreed and emailed me a script for a brain MRI which I promptly scheduled for the soonest date available at our local hospital, Saturday.

On Thursday during one of the headaches I got sick in my office trash can and in the process felt a pop in my left hip. Although I made it to both boys Halloween Parties that afternoon, I could hardly walk when I returned to work. Over the last couple of years the popping and pain are things I have come accustomed to but this time was different. After a lot more pain and a trip to the local Emergency Room, we found out my pelvis is fractured.

The ER plan was to keep the pelvis stable until it could be reviewed by the Orthopedic Oncologist who put the rod in my femur in 2008. Once again Brad was helping me in and out of bed, in and out of the shower, and in and out of the chair. Well, that WAS the plan as of Sunday morning.

I went ahead with the MRI on Saturday and on Sunday my family doctor called to say the MRI had been read and the radiologist had called him. Yeah. I have a cancerous lesion on my brain, the cerebellum at the base of the brain. After about a half dozen calls and e-mails, I had a steriod perscription. This morning (Monday) my oncologist called with an appointment at 1:30pm in Baltimore with the Neurosurgeon so he could see the Mri film on CD's. She told me to be prepared to be admitted for surgery so I quickly packed a suitcase and got ready. (Well, I admit I really dont' move quickly, but whatever). I really liked the surgeon especially when he said they see this in metastic breast cancer, it can be removed, and they have a lot of success. But he did say that it needs removed in the next two weeks, we can't wait four. Special thanks to Glen and Cindy for driving all the way out here this morning to take Trent to school and Ian to their house. And special thanks to my dad who drove me to Hopkins, navigated a wheelchair through the parking garages, buildings and offices!

The Neurosurgeon sent me home with instructions to contine the steriods and his secretary was busy planning my preoperative set up next Tuesday (November 9th) and brain surgery on Wednesday (November 10th). That said, he wants clearance from my Orthopaedic Surgeon because the surgery on my brain will be perfomed face-down and he wants to be sure the hip won't break when they flip me. So at some time they will have to address the hip too. As far as the brain goes, I may need to have radiation as well. I'm guessing this will all lead to a change in drugs too, like chemo. For now though, I cannot drive and I have to keep my pelvis as stable as possible. If you know me, you understand that sitting at home in a filthy house is NOT what I do best but I will do it.

Tomorrow is a new day and I have a list of questions for a list of people. So I will work on that then! Thanks to Glen and Cindy again for making the treck out here to pick up Trent for school again tomorrow and sending home chicken noodle soup. Thanks to my co-worker and friend, Aly for driving out here with a pumpkin pie the other night! And thanks to my boss, Steve and his wife for the food and drinks tonight! The brownies were a big hit!

I know everyone will be concerned and I know from past experience that you want to help. I know in the next couple of weeks there will be many things we will need and I just need to catch my breath and get organized. I appreciate everyone's text messages, I really do and I apologize that I can't answer all of them, but I do read them and SO much appreciate all your words of support! Please know I will let you know when we need help and what we may need. If you have specific questions the best thing this week is to just e-mail me and feel free to pass along this blog address to those who might be interested. Brad is wiped out from trying to do everything and talking on the phone around here has always been a challenge and most of what I have to say or explain is bigger than a text message. I will try to keep this blog updated when I get information too!

Right now we just really need prayers. They have never failed me before!!

My secret obsession

Until today I haven't posted for almost a month. Don't be concerned. I usually think of topics while doing something not condusive to typing like driving my car, sitting in a meeting, or working in the yard. Although my head is full of topics, I just haven't had the time to write much lately. Typically at the end of the day, after tucking the boys in, I sit in bed with my laptop. After I check my e-mail and the school website, I write. One reason I haven't written lately is that I have been doing a lot of writing at work so I haven't felt much like writing in the evenings. But, my main reason is my secret obsession.

I got hooked a long time ago and I have spent the last several years avoiding it. I know myself and I know that I will stay awake long after the house is silent with my lamp on. I tell myself that I will turn the lights out at a reasonable hour but somehow the suspense pulls me in and before I know it the clock is blaring the numbers that remind me I will be walking around half comotose the next day. I am jealous of those who can set a limit, turn out the light, and forget about it until the next evening. If you haven't figured it out yet, I will openly admit it. I am addicted to reading books.

For a while the hundreds of chidrens books on our shelves were good enough. I have Scholastic books for all seasons, holidays, and events. I was thrilled last year when I started reading 'chapter' books to the boys every evening. The boys and I have read some classics and some new books and I get all giddy when they are excited about a book that I loved as a child! Sure I also have a stack of magazines and health books, but there is nothing like reading for fun.

My friend Aly lent me a book when we went to the beach in May. I finished it in less than two days. I am not a fan of fiction or smut, rather, I just like a good old fashioned story. That is what hooks me in and keeps me up late! I have been through several books since then and have a new book staring at me as I write this. I am going to try to read it a little bit at a time, but I know how it will go....somehow my nights will get shorter and I will be really tired!

This is one obsession I would like to pass along to Trent and Ian!!

Fall

Fall reminds me that I will never live somewhere that doesn't have four seasons. I don't know if I can pinpoint one particular thing about fall that makes me love it so much. I think it is a culmination of so many things from the cool crisp air and the leaves floating down from the sky to the excitement over Halloween costumes and trick-or-treating.

This year has been especially fun because both boys were so excited to open up the box of fall decorations and spread them throughout the house. Ian enjoyed watching all our mums bloom after watering them all summer and Trent couldn't wait to carve a pumpkin.

Last Sunday, after both boys were particularly good in church, we stopped by a farm market so they could pick out their pumpkins. Of course, we also left with three gourds, a group of Indian corn, and one mum. That afternoon they were so excited to carve their pumpkins and we were ready to get started when I realized I had hidden the carving tools so well that neither Brad or I could find them. I remembered tucking the away thinking, 'I won't think to look here but I will remember.' So on Monday when I had purchased new tools I found them. Typical!

Last Monday night we had a totally spooktacular time complete with mummy hot dogs, eyeball pasta and apple cider before cutting into the pumpkins! I finished the costumes last week, and we spent this Saturday afternoon in Martinsburg watching the Apple Harvest Parade. After church on Sunday, the boys went outside and I sat down and watched some football! This morning we marveled at how many trees had changed color on 'our' mountains as we drove into town while the sun was rising. So many wonderful things are going on this time of year.

Fall is here and I love it!!

Some Crazy Guy

I have always wanted a statue of St. Francis of Assisi in my garden so this summer, after changing the landscaping in the front of our house; I was thrilled when Brad came home with one. As we were moving the mulch around to get him square in the ground I thought I would take a minute to talk to Trent about St. Francis. After all, last year we spent a few hours gathering our pets so he had a picture to take to school for a blessing of the animals and I am sure the class discussed the patron saint of animals. But when I asked Trent if he knew the name of the man depicted in the statue he giggled as he responded with, “dad said he is some crazy guy who loved animals.” Thus ending what I thought was going to be a ‘moment.’

We love animals around here. We feed the deer, we stock the bird feeders, and I do my best to clean and fill the hummingbird feeders. We watch eggs hatch into birds each spring and frequently lay out food for the squirrels. We also have three cats and two dogs that call our house a home. I have always loved animals but, for someone who isn’t fond of pet hair and vet bills, I sometimes feel that I am in over my head.

First there is our cat Madison who my neighbor found on a rainy night as she dashed through the parking lot at our townhouse complex. She was a drenched kitten without a home and when he knocked on the door holding her, I couldn’t resist. That was the summer of 1998 and, although she moves a little slower now, she still rules the house.

Then there is Casey, a black lab mix who is about as smart as dogs come. My brother found her wandering around campus in Waynesburg and, since he couldn’t have a dog, he called me to pick her up. The white hairs on her face are the only indication of her 9 years as she runs after the tennis ball in our yard.

Next is Chloe, a yellow lab mix who we refer to as our hard-to-love animal. Five years ago Brad’s friend had a dog that had puppies and they were running out options so we took one. She is allergic to something that blooms in the spring and fall, is prone to infections in her ears, and has two new knees compliments of a talented veterinarian, two people who can’t say no to loving brown eyes, and a great payment plan at the vet clinic.

Then we have Bunny, a small white cat that was in a box of free kittens at the fire station during their 2009 Easter flower sale. She is a very petite cat with a white coat and a patch of gray stripes on her head which resembles a very bad toupee.

Finally, there is Spot-o with probably the most interesting story of all. When Brad returned from eight days in Germany in December, he discovered a large male cat that had somehow gotten locked in his detached garage. We thought he would be the outside cat that we have talked about but the frigid January temperatures followed by the 30 plus inches of snow in February saw him quickly move from the detached garage to the house garage to the basement and finally to the house. Try as we might we could not find his owner and, much to my dismay, he did not find his way home after the snow melted. Well, I guess in some way he did find his way ‘home.’

Although I struggle daily with the upkeep, I have to admit that they have taught me a lot. For instance, I really feel that we, as humans, strive to be like dogs (kind, caring, forgiving, thoughtful), but for the most part resemble cats (aloof, temperamental, strong willed). We have two four legged friends to act as guard dogs when the kids are outside, greet me at the door when I come home, and are happy to see us no matter what kind of day we have had. I also think there is nothing like a soft cat purring on a blanket in your lap to ease your stress. And, yes, I do agree that maybe five house pets is a little overboard. Who knows? Maybe one day a kid (most likely one of mine) will refer to me as ‘some crazy lady who loved animals.’

Anniversary

Today marks exactly seven years since my initial diagnosis. This is an anniversary that I never miss, but never really celebrate. Sometimes I think I should go all out with a big celebration, but somehow ‘celebrating’ the day of your cancer diagnosis doesn’t seem quite right. I thought I would make a big deal about my 5th year, but that was the year I was fighting a recurrence and somehow it didn’t seem appropriate then either. And, unlike a wedding anniversary, it isn’t something most people remember. But I do.

So, this year I celebrated the anniversary as I have all the others. I spent time thinking about and praying for those who have also battled this disease. I thought of the ones who have spoken to me about their own battle and those who have talked about the battle of a loved one. I thought about those who have been diagnosed in the last seven years and those who have fought, but lost, their battle.

To be honest, I wonder how life would have been if I hadn’t heard those words seven years ago. As much as I hate it, I really can’t imagine my life without it. But most of all, I spent today feeling really lucky and extremely blessed that I am here.

Ian goes to preschool!

Ian started preschool this week and, as usual, I start the school year with high hopes and a little trepidation. I figured we wouldn't have any issues with separation because he was practically shoving me out the door during open house. And, as I expected, I helped him start his craft and he kindly showed me the door. At least he gave me a kiss good-bye.

I suppose the morning went well. I witnessed him march dutifuly in line to the playground and then line back up to go inside. His teacher did say that he had trouble sitting through story time. He agreed. But when I quizzed him about the story, he was able to tell me it was about bears who were going on a picnic. He also said he didn't have a good morning and then proceeded to cry when I told him he wouldn't be returing until Thursday. Then he fell asleep.

So, here is to a successful preschool experience for Mr. Ian: may he learn the ropes and may his teachers have A LOT of patience!

The signs of fall

When the county fairs start rolling around, I know fall is coming. I never paid much attention to fairs until I married Brad. Now I look forward to taking the boys to see the animals, walk through the projects, ride the rides and sign up for the tractor pulls. I'm sure this along with the fact that I shop for John Deere apparel and spent time with my kids reading John Deere books contribute to the fact that I might be a redneck.

It all began when Trent was little and would drop what he was doing and run across the yard as soon as Brad fired up his Model 'B' or even his John Deere lawn tractor. When he was 4, Brad took Trent to a farm store special event where he participated in his first kiddie pull and won. Since then we have participated in the kiddie tractor pulls at our local fairs. If, like me, you are unfamiliar with these events, basically they pedal a little tractor pulling a sled with weights. The sled gets heavier as you pedal.

Trent has been a natural at these since he was four and we have a shelf full of trophies. It didn't take him long to learn to pedal. I remember when, at three, he bought his first bike with a gift card. We came home, I got it out of the car, put his helmet on, and he rode the bike. When he was four we took the training wheels off and away he went. Simple as that.

This summer Ian is three and a half and we have been working on pedaling since the snow melted. I know his legs are strong enough, but there is something about pushing backward on the pedals to get the brakes that just doesn't click for him. So when August came around I had my reservations about putting him in a kiddie pull. The kiddie pulls start at age 4, but Ian was so excited about participating I told Brad we would put him in the 4-year-old division so he could try. For his first tractor pull, Ian proudly marched up to the tractor, hopped on board, looked over at our family, pedaled maybe twice and hopped off. Trent went on to win in his 7 & 8 division and was able to proudly display his trophy beside his others in the family room. Trent was proud and Ian didn't seem disappointed so I considered it a success.

At the next fair I again signed Ian up for the 4-year-old division. But this time something clicked. He got on the tractor and started pedaling. He continued all the way to the ending block and in the 'pull-off' ended up with a third place trophy! He was so excited and Trent was so happy for him! Trent placed first in his class and they were both happy to add their trophies!

Now Ian is so proud that he can pedal his bike right beside Trent! It is always fun to master another skill. And now we are ready for fall!

The first day of 1st Grade!

It's probably the same for every parent. Each school year marks the turning of a page, the realization that your child has advanced to the next grade, and memories of yourself at their age. Last week Trent started first grade. He was a little hesitant to give up our relaxed summer schedule, but as we entered the school you could see the excitement mount in his eyes. He led me straight to the first grade classrooms where he entered Sister Margaret Ann's room and found his seat. On a side note: Sister Margaret Ann was also my brother Scott's first grade teacher. We put his school supplies down and looked around the room. Then he said the words that I've been waiting to hear on the first day of school for four years, "mom, can you stay for a few more minutes."

Let's back up to Trent's first experience with school. He was three years old and was going to preschool two mornings a week. On the first day without parents there were tears running down faces before they opened the doors. Tears for most of the kids, but not for Trent. He put his book bag in his cubby, gave me a kiss, and went right into the classroom. I just stood there totally dumbfounded. The aide looked at me and said, "OK mom, he's fine and you can go now." I remember looking her straight in the eyes and saying, "but he didn't even say goodbye." I remember that moment like it happened today. And for every first day of school since then it has been the same. Until this year!

I guess it is wrong of me to feel some sort of happiness that he asked me to stick around. But I'm just being honest. Of course I stayed around for a few more minutes then kissed his head and left. I had to laugh when Ian kissed his head too and repeated, 'have a great day honey.' He did have a great day. I did too, but I really missed having him around!

The results are in!

So I got an e-mail from my physician's assistant last week and my scans showed no change! She did mention that sometimes the elevated blood levels are a sign of things to come. But, for now, my oncologist and P.A. agree to leave me on my existing drug and keep monitoring the blood levels and pain. I am thrilled for several reasons. First of all, although there never is a 'good' time to start chemo, I was really dreading starting chemo as school was starting. Secondly, all of my organs are completely clean! And, finally, it still means that I have one aromatase inhibitor between me and chemo! I was hoping to talk to her on Friday to figure out how soon to have blood work drawn and schedule follow up appointments and my next Zometa drip. But, as things go sometimes, we never caught up with each other!

Trent starts first grade tomorrow! He has Sister Margaret Ann as a teacher. The same first grade teacher who managed to make it through a year with my brother, Scott, who will turn 30 this fall. Best of luck to her!!

School Days

Well, it is almost here. Trent and I have checked the school supply list twice to make sure we have everything he needs. His school has open house on Friday and on Monday he will start 1st grade. Last year I spent this week beating myself up because of all those summer plans I had that never happened.

This year I asked both boys what one thing they wanted to do with the last weeks of summer. Trent wanted to go to a local park and ride Go-Karts with Brad. Ian wanted to go to the beach. So, last week the boys went go-karting while I took pictures. Then last Monday my friend Meg and I took our boys to Greenbriar State Park where there is a lake and a sandy beach.

I feel like we have been able to do a lot of different things this summer. The boys spent a lot of time swimming, we camped out, we went to the beach, Trent went to day camp, we played outside, played in the park, did fireworks, caught lightening bugs, had cookouts, went to gymnastics open gym, had swim lessons, and had time to just hang around the house and play. We even cleaned out a few closets this weekend! On Sunday we will make ice cream and cook hot dogs and smores over the fire in the back yard. (That was my pick!)

It has been a very hot and dry summer for us with temperatures in the upper 90's and low 100's since mid-July. Brad has only mowed the grass once since Trent's birthday party on June 19th. In that respect I am looking forward to some cooler crisp air. I will miss our more laid back summer schedule, but I know that we will settle into the routine quickly. I am also looking forward to the best part of fall. Football Season.

Some days you get the bear and some days....

I went to Johns Hopkins in Baltimore today to see my oncologist and get my Zometa drip. I had blood work drawn last week both to check my liver function and so she could check on my tumor markers. The good news is that my liver is great. The bad news is that my tumor markers were less than stellar. Basically the tumor markers are a way to monitor the progression or stability of my cancer. Currently one that normally should be around 32, is now 77. The other one is elevated as well. I was kind of expecting that though becuase I haven't felt the greatest lately.

These are the days when I love my oncologist and I know that if she moves to a hospital half way around the world, I will follow. She told me that although the numbers seem high for me that they can go much higher. She has one more aromatase inhibitor in her arsenal of drugs that we can try before looking at chemo, but she wants to see the 'full picture' before selecting just the right drug that will help me out. She is always calm, never making promises, but always hopeful. And, let's face it, on September 19th she will have gotten me through seven years of breast cancer. Not too shabby!

She sent me home with two scripts: one for a CT Scan, and one for a Bone Scan. These scans are nothing new to me and I'm looking forward to seeing the radiology staff at City Hospital who now know me by name and recognize my face. The scheduling staff is very accommodating so I'm going to call tomorrow and try to get them done next week because I'd like to get them out of the way before school starts. They send the report to Hopkins and then we will pick a course of treatment. If the counts are high because existing lesions are 'acting up,' then I will be changing to an aromatase inhibitor given monthly via shot. If there are new lesions, depending on the amount, I will begin chemo. So time will tell.

Since I was pretty much expecting news like this and it was presented to me by my favorite doctor of all time, I'm OK. I took advantage of the hour and a half ride home by myself to have an impromptu concert, rocking it out to Brad Paisley and Lady Antebellum. All the while thinking about the great hair day I was having and the fact that I am wearing brand new underwear today. Then, we ate dinner and canned a half bushel of peaches. That's just how I roll!

Two of my favorite places

I have to admit that my favorite place is the beach. I did really enjoy the Outer Banks this year, but really any beach will work. Everyone just seems happier at the beach. I love to sit with my toes in the sand, close my eyes and listen to the sounds of the boys playing with the ocean waves in the background. And when I open my eyes, the view is fantastic! Sky, sun, waves with the sillhouette of two boys digging, running and even sometimes rolling in the sand. I would go to the beach every day if I could. I always enjoy our weeks there!

My second favorite spot is the hammock in our yard. It isn't a fancy, expensive hammock, just one that my mom gave us after we were married from Wal-Mart and designed for camping trips. It is so comfortable that I would pit it against something fancy any day. My hammock hangs in the tulip poplar tree 'forest' that we left when we built the house. Back then, it was a cluster of hundreds of 5-foot tall weeds. We chose a dozen or so to keep when we cleared for the yard. Now they are very tall and provide a great canopy over the sandbox. They are even big enough to shade the swingset. And, although I don't get a lot of opportunities to lay in it at length, I love to come home from work, lay in the hammock, close my eyes and listen to the kids playing.

Unlike a once a summer beach vacation, the hammock is available from spring to fall. In the spring I can look directly at the sky, in the summer the green leaves shade me on the hottest of days, and in the fall the boys and I count the yellow leaves as they flutter to the ground. It is like my 'staycation' open every day for a few minutes of rest and it provides a great view!

Dentist

I like working outside the home. I think that fact is true because there is a certain amount of predictibility to it. That is saying a lot because I work three days a week in a job that deals with the general public. But I have found that there are times when I just cannot predict the reaction my kids will have to a situation, no matter how much preparation I try to put into it.

When Trent was three I scheduled his first dentist appointment. For weeks prior to the appointment we read books about going to the dentist. Each evening I would brush his teeth with him leaned back on my lap while I did my best to make the same sounds the electric tootbrush makes. We talked about it all the time. And, when we got there he refused to open his mouth. Flat out refused. He wasn't mean about it, he didn't cry, he just wouldn't open his mouth. Our dentist was great about it and let him ride in the chair and we left with another appointment scheduled for six months later. On the way home, Trent told me that he had overheard Pappy and I talking about how his dentist pulled out a tooth. Because he liked all his teeth, Trent was not willing to give our dentist a chance to snag one. Since that visit, it has been smooth sailing for Trent at the dentist, but I thought I had totally prepped him for that visit, but I was wrong.

Ian's first dentist appointment was on Monday. And I realized last week that it was coming. There wasn't time for weeks of discussion so my prep this time consisted of a chat with Trent on Monday morning. I asked him to volunteer to take the first appointment, noting that Ian may feel more comfortable watching how it all worked before trying it out himself. When we got to the office, I began filling out the new patient information as the boys talked about the waiting area. Suddenly Ian said, "I'm going first." Which, of course, led to an argument about who would really take that first appoinment. I stepped in and explained to Trent that we should let Ian choose. (And after that didn't work, I threatened to buy him a pink Barbie backpack for school. Fine parenting at its best.)

Shortly after our 'discussion,' the hygenist walked to the waiting area and when SHE asked who would like to take the first appointment Ian stood up, walked right up to her and said, "I would like to take the first one please." After I picked myself up off the floor, I watched as he followed her through the door and out of my sight. Every so often I could hear him answering questions and then he appeared again with his dentist goody bag in hand, smiling from ear to ear. Trent gladly paraded through the door next while Ian told me all about 'that girl' and her magic chair, water gun, mouth sucker thing, and the orange toothpaste he had picked. He also requested to take another turn when Trent was finished.

When Trent came back I got the full report. No cavities for either boy and four loose teeth for Trent! We headed to Target so they could enjoy their reward...new backpacks! A Toy Story backpack for Ian and a Star Wars one for Trent. OK, so at least I could have predicted that!

The Summer Concerts

I remember that chaotic staff meeting in the spring of 2005. Our recreation coordinator had unexpectedly resigned and we were trying to divide his job responsibilities. Spring time at a Parks & Recreation Department is like the calm before the storm and, with our limited staff, it was important to get organized quickly. I volunteered to work on the summer concert series figuring it would be a fun way to spend some time in the park with Trent.

And so it began. And every Thursday evening at 7pm since then, basically from the end of school until school starts again, we go to War Memorial Park. Sometimes I pack dinner and sometimes we stop and pick up something. But, generally, we have a picnic in the park, greet the band, and then the boys run and play until it ends. We clean up and head back over the mountain. Two sweaty, greasy, tired boys, each with a cup of water for the ride home.

This summer I feel like we have truly arrived. I can send the boys to play on the equipment where I can see them and spend a few minutes talking with our sponsors or the bands. I even get to sit on a bench and visit with my dad who usually comes to hang out with us. The park is filled with the sounds of kids laughing and music playing. It wasn't always so relaxing though. There have been hot summers with someone in diapers, or in a hot stroller, or being held because he couldn't walk yet. There were potty accidents and tantrums, bottles and spit ups. Sticky kids who just wanted to go home. Back then I counted the concerts and week by week I celebrated that I could check another one off the schedule.

Then there was the summer when I was going through treatment and was too weak to chase a 5-year-old and 16-month-old through the park on the summer nights. My co-worker and good friend, Aly, volunteered to take over until I was up to it again. I remember passing the park on a Thursday night. As I was wondering if we would ever be able to attend them again, Trent got upset because he realized we had been missing the concerts. I remember how he kept repeating, 'but mom, we need to play in the park, it's Thursday.' It was on that night that I cried going home over the mountain. And it was that night when I realized what a fun opportunity those Thursday night concerts offered to me. It had become my time to visit with my dad and be with my kids. A sort of date night. Thursdays at 7pm. All summer long.

Since then, I get a little excited in February when I start working on sponsors and booking bands. I look forward to Thursdays because the kids get so worn out and they have so much fun. Tomorrow is concert number 8 of 12 and I have to admit that I am sad that we are getting so close to the end of our Thursday night dates. It is going to be a hot night in the park and we are feeding and greeting the United States Army Cruisers Band. It will be warn and sticky, but the lifeguards have offered the kids the option to join swim lessons to cool off. We will play mini-golf, the kids will ride the merry-go-round (or merry-go-around) until they make ME feel dizzy, they will make friends and play, and help JD put the barricades away. Then we will head back home, over the mountain as the sun sets with two sweaty, greasy, tired boys in the backseat with a cup of water each. And I will think about how wonderful it has been to spend Thursday evenings in War Memorial Park with them.

Laugh and the world laughs with you....

I remember that night in the car, but the details of the day are still a little fuzzy. I had just had my first round of chemo and, because I felt terrible, Brad had stayed home from work to take care of Trent and me. After I ate breakfast I started feeling better so I asked Brad to take Maggie to the vet while Trent and I laid down for his morning nap.

As the day wore on, I started running a fever, feeling very tired and battling bouts of nausea. The fever got so high that we called the oncologist at Hopkins who said she would call in a prescription, but warned that if the fever remained high, I would have to spend the night at the hospital. Brad went to pick up the medicine and shortly after the phone rang. I was propped on the couch holding Trent when the vet technician said, ‘Mrs. Saylor, Maggie is in renal failure and nothing we have tried has worked. She is really suffering and the vet recommends putting her to sleep.’ I knew I couldn’t let her die alone in the vet office surrounded by strangers so I told her I would be right there. I called my brother and my dad to see who was closest to my house and could watch Trent. Then I called Brad.

Although Brad thought that driving across Berkeley County in the pouring November rain while his wife had a raging chemo fever to sit with a cat while it died was nuts, he relented and we were on our way. The entire way there all I could think of was Maggie. On a search for a companion for my other cat, Madison, I had gone to the animal shelter three years before looking for a kitten. When the shelter volunteer reached to the back of the cage and pulled a tiny furry kitten, it was over. She was mine. She was such a fun animal and, for a cat, was full of personality. Days before she had started getting sick and, in the chaos of a new baby, doctors appointments, scans, and chemo, I just mopped up the messes and tried to keep an eye on her.

They brought Maggie to us and I sat and rubbed her head and told her she was a good cat and that I had loved her. And then, she was gone. It wasn’t until we were in the car on the way home that I realized how hot my cheeks really were and how much those tears stung. The rain continued to pelt the windshield so hard that we had to drive slowly on the Interstate. Then it happened. Brad started laughing. Not, just a little giggle or a chuckle but truly laughing. I could not imagine what in the heck was wrong with him. He looked at me and said, “Well, if you were ever wondering what being at the bottom of the barrel feels like, I think we are getting pretty close. You are sick with cancer of all things, our house is under construction minus the top of the roof, it has been pouring down rain all day, these bills are outrageous, and now we are driving home with a dead cat in a box on the backseat.” And then I started laughing too.

There have been several times over the last eight years that we have laughed because that is what we do.

I remember what my mom said to me on the day Brad and I were married, “there will be days when you two don’t see eye to eye and there will be times when you don’t really even like each other very much, but I really believe that you and Brad will take care of each other and will be there for each other until death do you part.”

Of course, she was right. Happy 8th Anniversary Brad!

Happy 4th!!

When I was little I remember picnics and sparklers. When we moved to Martinsburg, I remember our high school neighborhood kids setting off fireworks on the road outside our house. (We spent the rest of the summer calling them the 'firecracker gang'!) As kids, our parents would take us to the hill by the hospital where we would watch the Martinsburg City fireworks with the same group of people each year. As we got older, my brothers were usually playing baseball allstars around July 4th so we would picnic with friends and head out to the ballfield! When I was a teenager I got a job at the concession stand at the park, and then July 4th meant a 12-hour work shift. As a college student, it meant that the summer was going by way too quickly!

There are a few years in my adult life when July 4th held special memories:

In 1999 I was house-hunting as I prepared to transfer back to Martinsburg from Charleston. In 2000 Brad and I were dating and went to New York City with my brother Don, my cousin Becky, and her then boyfriend Nate...those were some great fireworks! July 4th 2001 I was sitting in the park with my mom getting frustrated as she talked about which DJ to use for the wedding. We weren't engaged yet, and it turns out I was the only one in the conversation who didn't know that the ring was on its way. July 4th 2002 we had a picnic at the townhouse a guests started rolling in for our wedding! And, July 4th 2003 was Trent's first holiday. He was three weeks old.

Since that cluster of eventful July 4th, we have spent them with family or friends swimming, eating and watching fireworks. Yesterday we went to church, visited with my dad, then went to Brad's parents house to swim with the boys and beat the heat! Then we enjoyed a wonderful cookout, the kids played and we headed home for some sparklers!

Happy Birthday America and special thanks to all the men and women in our armed forces who sacrafice to give us July 4th year after year!

Ian 'isms'

I really didn’t know what it meant when people said, ‘no two kids are alike,’ until I had two kids. There are days that I wonder how two kids created from the same parents could be so different. Ian’s light brown hair and blue eyes and Trent’s blonde hair and brown eyes are just the beginning of the differenced that these two brothers have. I thought having Trent made me a ‘seasoned' parent, but Ian reminds me daily that I am still an amateur when it comes to this job.

Ian is a tough nut to crack. Since he was born it is fair to say that the needle on his mood meter tends to point toward the grumpy side of life. He can be demanding, fussy, loud and pushy. He is ‘all boy’ and much taller than the average 3-year-old so I get a lot of accusing glances when he melts down in public. However, on the flip side, he rarely misses an opportunity to tell me he loves me and seldom passes a flower without picking it for me. At a recent festival while most kids were asking the balloon man to make swords or animals, Ian asked him to make a beautiful flower for his mommy. He plays really well with other kids his own age and from a very young age he has been able to decipher when something is funny which strikes me as pretty funny.

I never thought I would be the kind of mother that compared her children, but Trent is my only means with which to measure milestones, so I do. When Trent was little he used to make eye contact and jabber endlessly in some kind of language that no one but he could understand. Then, one day the light switch flipped and he started talking like a college professor. The only word that tripped him up was pillow, which he pronounced plillow.

Ian’s speech has been a gradual progression of a few baby words up to full sentences. For a while he was pretty quiet, which I attribute to having an older brother who was reluctant to give up the spotlight to someone else. Now Ian is chatting up a storm which occasionally prompts the, ‘mommy needs five minutes of silence game’ when the boys are both in the car with me. Recently he has developed a string of Ian ‘isms’ that I find hilarious! I don’t know. Maybe it is because Trent was such a clear talker, or maybe it is because I know Ian is the baby and I won’t experience this again. Whatever it is, his Ian 'isms' make me smile so I thought I would share a few.

In the winter, while riding in the car Ian announced that he was going to, “cover his eyebulbs with his glubs.”
When it rains we use an un-umbrella.
When we go next door to the neighbor’s house to swim we take a bag of cheese pups.
When something fell from a top shelf the other day, he came out with, ‘oh my God’ and when I told he we don’t say that, he corrected himself with, ‘oh my Jesus.’
On the farm, you may wonder why some of the goats have hornets.

When your hair is dirty, you might want to wash it with panshoo.

At the park, Ian enjoys the Merry-Go-Around.
While at the beach be sure to apply your sunscream.
And while you are enjoying the waves, you may want to feed the seagoggles.

This fall Ian will start preschool two mornings a week. I can’t wait to see what kind of new adventures he will have and what kind of new lessons he will teach me.