Time With Trent

As I get used to the new side effects, I am finding that mornings tend to be the worst, they are random and there is little notice when the morning is going to go downhill. A few weeks ago, I got out of bed and knew I wasn’t feeling the best. I managed to get myself ready, got the boys up, and the cereal bowls on the table before I started getting sick…really sick. As I was starting to think about how I would get Trent to school on time, I heard him in the kitchen. He poured the cereal and milk, got the spoons, and made chocolate milk for both he and Ian. After they ate he fed the dogs and played Simon Says with Ian (a common trick we use to hurry him along when he gets dressed.) I sat in the chair and helped him put toothpaste on the toothbrushes then he helped me put on my socks. He put everything in his book bag, put his shoes on, and got his jacket. Then he turned to me and said, “Mom, I really want to go to school with my friends, but if you need me to stay here with you I can.” I could see the worry in his face and it reminded me of the days that I was in the hospital. I took a deep breath and told him I was already feeling better and had sent a text to Pappy and he was taking Ian for the afternoon so I could take a nap. I guaranteed that by the time school was over I would be good as new! Then I crossed my fingers in hopes that I wasn’t telling him a big fat lie!!

On the way to school I realized that, without the help of my 7-year-old, I would not have made it out the door that morning. We weren’t even late for school. And, as I watched the other kids get out of their cars, I wondered how many of the first graders had taken care of their mom and brother that morning. There were a lot of things I thought about that morning and I decided that it was time that I sat down with Trent and had a very frank discussion about my disease. It is a conversation I have been dreading since he was four months old.

This week Trent is on spring break and on Tuesday we dropped Ian off at preschool and I took Trent to breakfast. It dawned on me that I don’t make time for the two of us to spend together, so this is going to be the first of many outings for Trent and me. Although I consider our conversation private, I was struck by some of his questions and some of his ideas. Maybe he will be the one who unlocks the mystery of cancer one day. Sometimes he seems so grown up. I do feel guilty because I am not the mom that I thought I would be when I had children, but I realized that this is his normal and he doesn’t know any different. He is used to the fact that his mom spends all kinds of time at the doctor’s office and he doesn’t realize that other kids don’t sit in the phlebotomy lab and wait for mom’s blood draws. I know it scared him when I was in the hospital and it bothered him when I couldn’t drive and when I was in a wheelchair. But he is brave and he is strong. He is carrying a lot of weight on those seven-year-old shoulders. And, even if he was the best athlete in the area with the top grades, I couldn’t be more proud of him.

Made it through the first 14 days!

Last night I finished off the Xeloda for the first 14 days of my 21 day cycle! So I am now on my 7 days off and then will start another 14 day cycle. I don't really think anyone wants to hear the details, but I am having some stomach issues and fatigue. Mentally, my biggest issues with these side effects is that I haven't really figured out a pattern. After over seven years of cancer drugs, I know to look for the patterns and work around them. So far all I have figured out is that mornings are the worst and I never really know until I wake up how I will feel for that day. This makes planning a little tricky!

I saw my doctor this week and we discussed my side effects. I really like her, but she was somewhat of a killjoy. I thought my seven days off would be like a vacation, but she said that some side effects don't even start to show up until the seven day break. Then she told me that the side effects tend to accumulate and get worse as you go through the cycles. Bummer. But, she did say if my stomach issues continue, she will adjust my dosage so that it is more tolerable. This is common for this drug and I have had to have d0sage adjustments with drugs before. They tend to base the 'standard' drug dosages on body surface area and I am a big girl with a very low tolerance for drugs.

I also started radiation on my shoulder yesterday. This has been something that has bothered me since my surgery in November and was irritated by the use of crutches, the walker, and the cane. There have just been so many other issues to deal with that this was on the back burner for a while. I have pretty much lost the use of the arm and have gotten tired of trying to put mascara on with my left hand. I will have ten days of radiation on the shoulder and hope to have it working again in no time! If this radiation works as well as that on my pelvis, I should be in great shape as I am now walking independently!

So, for now I am going to try to enjoy my afternoons, get through my mornings, and concentrate on some fun things we have going on this weekend!! We are having a fun family Easter weekend! If the weather cooperates, Trent will participate in baseball opening ceremonies and will play his first baseball game on Saturday!

Thank you to everyone for so generously donating to my Relay for Life Team. I have fallen behind on my thank-yous, but I do appreciate all your support and you will be hearing from me soon! Have a Happy Easter!!!

Hummingbird Rescue!

We live on a wooded lot and get a lot of chances to observe nature. The boys have bug boxes for caterpillars (which sometimes do make their cocoons and turn into butterflies). We watch the deer and watch robin eggs hatch in my hanging baskets. Each year we have several hummingbirds that come on a daily basis to enjoy my coral bells, petunia waves and, of course, our hummingbird feeders. Our birds aren’t afraid of us as they have a daily time that they visit and if I happen to be gardening then, they just work around me. The picture is from last fall and I was just sitting on the deck with a regular digital camera.

At least once each summer though, one of these small birds ends up stuck in the garage. We try to have a butterfly net on hand for such occasions so we can catch and release them. Last summer when Brad brought the boys home from their day, they found a poor hummingbird in the garage. We suspect he got trapped the night before and wasn’t able to escape when we closed up for the night and then left in the morning. Brad caught the bird, but when he got him out of the net, the bird just went limp. Trying to think quickly, and with both boys watching, Brad sent Trent inside for a glass of sweet tea. Trent returned with a tall glass of tea complete with lots of ice cubes. (I guess our literal thinker figured Brad was going to enjoy a refreshing glass while contemplating what to do with the bird.) Brad fished out some of the ice, turned the bird over and stuck his beak into the glass. He said in seconds the birds tongue came out of his beak and he started drinking the tea. He pulled the bird out for a breather then stuck his little beak back into the glass for another drink. Suddenly, the hummingbird perked up and when Brad loosened his grip, he flew away.

When I got home from work, the boys were so excited to tell me about their big rescue! We hung our feeder this week and the boys started with, “hey mom, do you remember the time the hummingbird drank the tea?”

Oh how I have aged him!

Today is Brad's 37th birthday! I can remember my mom saying that her gray hairs were well-earned, given to her slowly by her children. I must say that I'm pretty sure that I have given Brad cause to have a few gray hairs of his own.

It is true that life comes with its fair share of pressures and responsibilities for everyone, but over the last seven years I feel like we have weathered a lot together. Growing up is hard, running a household is hard, raising kids is hard, keeping up with things like jobs and bills is hard, and marriage is a lot of work. We aren't always laughing and sometimes we just flat out tick each other off, but when push comes to shove I know he always has my back. I tease him about marrying a lemon like me on occassion and he just laughs and we go on!

Who would have guessed when I was in seventh grade at St. Joseph Grade School making eyes at the tall boy in eighth grade that I would be watching him blow out the candles today! Happy Birthday!