Time With Trent

As I get used to the new side effects, I am finding that mornings tend to be the worst, they are random and there is little notice when the morning is going to go downhill. A few weeks ago, I got out of bed and knew I wasn’t feeling the best. I managed to get myself ready, got the boys up, and the cereal bowls on the table before I started getting sick…really sick. As I was starting to think about how I would get Trent to school on time, I heard him in the kitchen. He poured the cereal and milk, got the spoons, and made chocolate milk for both he and Ian. After they ate he fed the dogs and played Simon Says with Ian (a common trick we use to hurry him along when he gets dressed.) I sat in the chair and helped him put toothpaste on the toothbrushes then he helped me put on my socks. He put everything in his book bag, put his shoes on, and got his jacket. Then he turned to me and said, “Mom, I really want to go to school with my friends, but if you need me to stay here with you I can.” I could see the worry in his face and it reminded me of the days that I was in the hospital. I took a deep breath and told him I was already feeling better and had sent a text to Pappy and he was taking Ian for the afternoon so I could take a nap. I guaranteed that by the time school was over I would be good as new! Then I crossed my fingers in hopes that I wasn’t telling him a big fat lie!!

On the way to school I realized that, without the help of my 7-year-old, I would not have made it out the door that morning. We weren’t even late for school. And, as I watched the other kids get out of their cars, I wondered how many of the first graders had taken care of their mom and brother that morning. There were a lot of things I thought about that morning and I decided that it was time that I sat down with Trent and had a very frank discussion about my disease. It is a conversation I have been dreading since he was four months old.

This week Trent is on spring break and on Tuesday we dropped Ian off at preschool and I took Trent to breakfast. It dawned on me that I don’t make time for the two of us to spend together, so this is going to be the first of many outings for Trent and me. Although I consider our conversation private, I was struck by some of his questions and some of his ideas. Maybe he will be the one who unlocks the mystery of cancer one day. Sometimes he seems so grown up. I do feel guilty because I am not the mom that I thought I would be when I had children, but I realized that this is his normal and he doesn’t know any different. He is used to the fact that his mom spends all kinds of time at the doctor’s office and he doesn’t realize that other kids don’t sit in the phlebotomy lab and wait for mom’s blood draws. I know it scared him when I was in the hospital and it bothered him when I couldn’t drive and when I was in a wheelchair. But he is brave and he is strong. He is carrying a lot of weight on those seven-year-old shoulders. And, even if he was the best athlete in the area with the top grades, I couldn’t be more proud of him.