The good fight

Someone asked me to give some details of the pictures of my last post. They are all from the Saylor Family Fun Night. Since I am so organized, I ended up with my camera charged and ready, but I forgot to put the memory card in it! Go figure! So, Aly was my photographer! The bottom picture is of Ian with his first face painting. I thought they did a great job and he was a pretty cute tiger! You can ask my brother, Don, how easy it was to get the facepaint off!

The middle picture shows my boss calling out raffle numbers while Trent and Ian help hand out prizes. The other gentleman helping is Mr. Randy Smith. You may see Randy on TLC's show How the Lottery Changed my Life. A little over a year ago, Mr. Smith hit the lottery jackpot. I'm not sure how much he won, but I can say that he has be extremely generous with his money. He has donated to a lot of local charities including the Humane Society, Hospice of the Panhandle, the Martinsburg Police and Fire Departments, and Martinsburg-Berkeley County Parks & Recreation, just to name a few. He has given millions back to the community where he was born and raised. The boys had a good time handing out the prizes with Steve and Randy, two great role models in our community!

The top is a picture of my friend Jim and I. I met Jim in college while he was dating one of my friends. He was one of the funniest people I had ever met. In July 2010, after reading some of his posts on Facebook, I sent Jim a message. He had been diagnosed with cancer and we started e-mailing back and forth. He and his wife Jessica also have two small boys so we had plenty to talk about. We would e-mail about the kids, about the guilt we felt putting so much pressure on our spouses, getting nervous about test results, different procedures and scans. I guess it all goes with that old, 'misery loves company' addage.

I was so surprised to see Jim at the Saylor Family Night. He drove quite a distance to be there and I think he had a good time visiting with some of our Wesleyan friends! With his treatment, he was obviously totally bald and I have my lovely patchwork hair coming back. What a great photo opportunity! The fun night was held on a Saturday and Jim told me that he was a little nervous that weekend because on Monday he would get the results of his latest PET scan. He did and it revealed two tumors in his lungs so he was scheduled for surgery on Wednesday. His very brave wife posted yesterday (Sunday 11/20) to say that Jim had peacefully passed away. I am thankful to have known him and I pray for his wife and his boys, as I know all too well what they are going through. Jim, you fought the good fight, now you can rest in peace. You will be missed.

Feelin the love!

I'm going to start this post by thanking the best nursing staff I have ever had the pleasure of working with. My stay last week at Johns Hopkins was very unexpected and I was very scared. The doctors were great, but I cannot say enough about every single nurse that took care of me in the Weinberg Center. They are the greatest. I hope some of them are reading my blog so that they can pass the word about how much I appreciated their kindnesses!

I can't go much further without thanking my dad for dropping everything to take care of me. This is a very different kind of recovery because I find myself pretty lost without Brad. He was good at guiding me through this part. Dad has been a huge help at bridging that gap. Plus I am still not driving or staying at the house by myself. I remember promising my mom that I would take care of my dad when she died. I haven't been very good at holding up my end of the deal. I don't know what would have happened if Glen and Cindy hadn't come in to take the boys and Casey to their house. I had no worries about their care! Don, Jackie, Scott, and Michelle came for visits, bringing the boys when they could. It is kind of sad to realize that we don't sit down and talk one-on-one. I really enjoyed having time with them and getting to know each of them better!

I do have to admit, though, that I was happy to get home. I was so glad that I was able to make it to the Saylor Family Fun Night. It is hard to describe the feeling you have when you walk into a huge building like that and realize that all the activities and raffle prizes, all the food and activities, all the people and kids running around, they are all there because they love our family. There were friends from Wesleyan, friends from high school, aunts, uncles, cousins, co-workers, board members, teachers, friends from church, people who worked with Glen, people who worked with Brad, people who worked with dad, friends of the boys, and people I had never met. I would like to thank my boss, Steve and my friends in the office for all their hard work.

I have always thought that it was a shame that so many people gather at a funeral to celebrate the life of a person they love. I always say a prayer that they can see how many people come to pay their respects. I feel like this was our chance to celebrate our lives WITH friends and family. I really wish Brad could have been there, and I know, in a way, he was.

We are adjusting to a new 'normal' right now. I do have a blood clot in my left leg. I am taking shots to keep my blood thin and the clot should dissolve with rest. The pericardial window will keep the fluid from building up around my heart again. The fluid goes into my chest so their is a chest tube there that dad drains (daily this week, then as needed.) I will be going to Hopkins on Tuesday for a quick inpatient surgery to put in a port line. I will also see my oncologist to find out what kind of chemotherapy I will be changing to, the frequency, side effects, etc. The port line will save me from some of the arm 'sticks' that are common with chemo. I'm playing 'catch up' with all the estate paperwork and even went to work today to take minutes for the Board Meeting. I am taking tomorrow off as I feel like my body just needs a day of rest!

I cannot believe that Thanksgiving is next week! I am dreading the holidays without Brad, but do realize that I have a lot to be thankful for this year. The last couple of years have been tough ones, but when I look back on my life I see it as a very happy one. I have always felt loved. Not very many people can say that.

November 2011 Surgery Update

Although surgery got started a little late, everything went well and Toni is recovering. A small tube will stay in to allow for drainage and a larger one will be removed tomorrow during a minor procedure. As of right now, there are no obvious signs of what caused the fluid to build on the heart, but samples were taken and have been sent to biopsy. A blood test shown that her tumor markers are still at about 17, which is low. Hopefully tomorrow will hold more answers as to why the fluid started building up on the heart.

Thank you for all of your prayers, well wishes, and many kind words. Please continue to pray!

Dull? Whoever said my life was dull?

Let's start with Monday. It was Halloween and I went to Trent's Halloween Part, ran around a little while then proceeded with Trick-or-Treat. I think it is fair to say that we walked about a mile and a half, handed out candy, and visited before heading home. We literally just dropped our 'stuff' in the kitchen and got on with our week. On Wednesday at work I started feeling super tired. The kind of tired that makes you think you are getting a cold. By the afternoon I had my head on my desk and felt so fatigued! On Thursday I made it to take the boys to school just to return home and sleep and by Friday I knew something was going wrong as I was experiencing shortness of breath. So, Friday morning, dad took the kids to school and me to the Hagerstown Meritus Hospital Emergency Room. After a battery of tests, it was determined I had a large amount of fluid around my heart.

Between the coordination of both hospitals, it was decided that the safest thing would be to life flight me to Hopkins. Yes, that's right. Lifeflight. Now there is something I've never done before. It was really quite a nice flight and I was being wheeled into Hopkins before I knew it. We started with a needle to drain the fluid around my heart and now I have a drain. Yesterday they did several tests on my liver. So today we wait to see what is going on with my liver. They are going to remove the tube and surgically implant a 'window' intomy heart to assist with further draining. I'm not sure where we go from here, but it sounds like I will be here for a while.

Of course, my major concern is for the boys. Scott brought them to Baltimore yesterday and they stayed for a quite a while. Trent really wanted to come back so Michelle may be our shuttle bus today. I can't imagine how scary this must be for them. And so begins a new adventure for us. Please pray for me, Trent & Ian, my dad, Glen & Cindy, Michelle, Scott, and Don & Jackie. Something tells me it is going to be a long week!

Proud Mom

For the past two years Trent has been aiming for straight A's. Trent is smart and I know he is capable of anything he decides to do. He has had to work on concentrating on each task on his school work and not rushing through. We go over the papers that come home and we are working on good study habits. Each grading period he has ended up with at least one 'B,' typically in English. But this time he did it! All A's.

I'm not sure what made it so sweet: the fact that he achieved his goal or the fact that he was just so proud of himself. I could see the confidence in his eyes. All I could think of is that this kid has had his life turned around and upside down over the past six weeks and he did it! I believe he can do anything...and I'm hoping that now he thinks so too.

I was also super proud of what his teacher told me at our conference. She talked a little about his friends and how supportive this group of kids is of each other. Then she said that Trent is always the first one up to help. If she is carrying a box or someone needs help, he is up and ready. I saw this the other night when we went next door to join a big 'moving' party. Ian was running around with the kids and when I looked for Trent he was carrying things to the moving trailer. He is Brad. Brad was never much for standing around when there was work to be done. I see him in Trent so much and it makes my heart feel good.

It is so rewarding for me to watch him grow. I do depend on him for his strength, his help and his memory! Straight A's in 2nd grade may not seem like much to most people, but after these last couple of weeks that he has weathered, I couldn't be more proud!

(By the way, in the pictures above, Trent is in the top picture and the others are Brad.)