My tribute

When I was in 6th grade I had my first crush on a tall thin freckle faced 7th grader. In high school we became an item for a while and while I was away at college we would get together for dinner every so often. When I moved back to the area, we met up again and Brad and I got married on July 7, 2002. Our lives always led us back to each other. If that isn't divine intervention, I don't know what is.

We were soul mates. Boy we could make each other mad, but we sure laughed ourselves through some rough times. We could sit across the room, and with one look, know exactly what the other was thinking. We would sit on the front porch after the kids went to bed and solve all the world's problems. When my mom died I was devastated and he stood beside me, quietly being my support. He gave me two wonderful boys who will always remind me of him.

Eight years ago today, while Brad was flying back from business in Germany, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. When he got home, he looked at me and said, "Don't worry. It will be OK. We will get through this together." After my diagnosis, he found himself with many responsibilities that no new husband should have to do. But he did them. He knew when to hug me and when to give me some space. But most importantly he knew when to kick me in the butt, remind me when to stop feeling sorry for myself, and to get on with it! He got used to sudden plan changes when my cancer would flare up and I would often tease him about picking a lemon like me. Then we would laugh and move on!

It is easy to make promises, but Brad was a testament to keeping them. To a friend, a neighbor, a relative, a friend of a friend, it didn't matter. He was always ready to solve a problem of fix a need. Last night so many people turned out to give their condolences. My boys and I were so proud to see how many people cared about Brad. I hope it creates a memory for them that will last their entire lives.

People keep telling me how strong I am. To be honest, I think my strength came from him. He was my pillar of strength. He is still with me as he will forever live in my heart and in the hearts of the boys. We are soul mates, connect on a level that a lot of people don't understand. And I still feel him with me. I will miss those strong arms around my shoulders and now I will laugh alone. But I see him in the eyes of my children and he will help us through each day.

Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and prayers. I cannot thank my brothers, Don and Scott, and their wives Jackie and Brittany enough for putting their lives on hold and helping with so many details. To my dad who lost his father when he was 9 and has weathered the death of my mom. He has been a total comfort, sounding board, and source of information to us. I am thankful for Brad's parents and sister who have been so supportive and helpful. And to all the people who have brought food, mowed grass, filled the water softener, helped me clean. I just can't say 'thank you' enough for all the help I have received.

It is time for me to take a deep breath and get ready for the day.

Brad, you will always be my heart and I will love you forever.

Back to school

School started on August 23rd for my boys. With almost three weeks under our belts, we have fallen back into the 'old' routine of getting up early, reviewing school work at the dinner table, and going over spelling words in the car. This year, I was really sad to see them to go back to school and it wasn't just my normal dread of getting into the routine. This summer I really enjoyed hanging out with them and I knew I would miss our time together.

Trent is in 2nd grade this year and Ian goes to Pre-K four mornings a week. They are really growing up. I loved when they were chubby little babies, but this summer I realized how much I enjoy them now. We can go places without having to haul diapers and bottles and plan around nap schedules. I enjoy hearing their conversations and observations about the world and now they ask some of the funniest questions. They have each developed such unique personalities that make me wonder how two kids that came from the same parents can be so different.

Sure, toward the end of the summer they were getting a little tired of each other. On those days, I felt more like a referee than a mom. But for the most part we just enjoyed being together. We did bible school, went to a local water park, swam in the neighbors pool, went to baseball games and birthday parties, enjoyed the Outer Banks, went to a drive-in movie, spent time at the park, and sometimes just played at the house!

So now that we are back to the routine I have become the enforcer of bedtime, homework, clothes that match (thank goodness Trent wears a uniform), early morning rising, and chores. Trent still wants me to volunteer at the school . (Yes, he still kisses me in front of the school when I drop him off.) We have gotten our morning routine down to a science and are working together on a scrap book to remember all the fun we had this summer!

I must admit that I am looking forward to fall because it is my favorite season, but I do already miss those hot lazy days of summer and hanging out with my boys!

I really like your hair!

So, the other day a vendor came into my office and, as soon as she saw me said, "oh, I really like your hair." I wasn't in the mood to go into the long story about how it was a wig and then explain that I have cancer, so I just said 'thanks' and we moved on. When she left I started thinking about it and decided being bald isn't so bad. I have two wigs, both about the same color. One is straight and the other is curly so I do have a little variety. Wigs make getting ready in the morning super quick and I haven't had a frizzy hair day all summer!


With that said I still stand by my mantra from my first go-round with baldness all those years ago...'a bad hair day is better than a no-hair day.' So, I was excited last week when I realized that my head was itching! I had noticed that my eyebrows were growing back a few weeks ago and was so excited at the possibility that my hair was making a comeback. When you have spent time being bald, even the shortest hair seems lush and luxurious. The boys were happy to inspect my scalp and report that indeed stubble was starting to appear!! Visions of hair clips and blow drying starting to fill my head until Brad took a closer look. It seems that for some reason my hair is coming back in a 'male pattern baldness' way. The sides and back are full of stubble, while the top is still as smooth and shiny as a baby's behind!

I really thought that like last time, it would be an all or nothing thing: bald or hair. It never occurred to me that it would grow back half way. Good grief. It is really funny to look at though! I guess for Halloween all I will have to add is a red nose and a bicycle horn!

I wonder what the vendor will have to say the next time I see her!