The port went in fine last Tuesday and on Wednesday my brother and his family came in for Thanksgiving. We all gathered at Scott's on Thursday to celebrate Thanksgiving. It was a great meal and a wonderful visit. As much as I love Christmas, it is hard to beat a holiday that is all about visiting with friends and family, eating, and watching football! Brad and I enjoyed the eating and then scouring the sale ads, trying to stretch those Christmas Club dollars as far as they would go. I guess that's why I got them. The blues.
I realized over the past week that when the sun came up I was wishing it would go back down again. The mornings have been hard, but once I get in a good cry I can get up and get on with my day. Maybe it is the holidays or maybe it is the coming to closure of some of the things on my enormous list of 'to dos,' or maybe it is just part of the process. Whatever it is, I've just been more on the sad side of life and I really miss Brad. I'm sure he doesn't realize it, but my dad taking the kids to school each morning has totally saved me. I could never get them there on time right now.
Then there was the start of a new chemo yesterday. I don't know why, but I always get a little anxious when I start a new chemo drug. You would think that after eight years of this I would be over it...but I'm not. Yesterdays chemo was a turn point for me. My appointment was in the afternoon so we didn't leave Martinsburg until 1pm. Which gave me time for my cry, shower, and straightening up the house. Dad brought me some crab legs. (I know that sounds luxurious but one pound tastes good and stays in. My other food is rice and bagels.) We ran some errands and were off.
We sailed into Hopkins to meet with my doctor. I have lots of anti-nausea meds and strict orders to forget everything I ever learned about eating. I keep losing weight and, although I am a pretty big girl, it is time to stop the trend. She promotes little servings with lots of calories. "Whole cream in your coffee, add a scoop of ice cream to your smoothy, eat good protiens," she said. I used to have dreams about a doctor telling me that!
By the time I was out of the chemo chair it was after 5pm and we knew the traffic would be one big snarl. So, dad and I headed to the cafeteria for some dinner. For the record I did eat almost all of a 6 inch turkey sub...go me! Realizing that it was getting close to shift change, we went upstairs to the 5th floor where I stayed when I was hospitalized. The nurses had called to say we left our phone charger. I used that as an excuse to go up. I really don't care about the charger, but I REALLY wanted to see them. I couldn't belive that they remembered me! It was so good to see them! I hated that I missed seeing some of them but the hugs and smiling faces of the nurses I did get to see made me feel so good and, well, happy!
Another thing happened during chemo yesterday. I was sitting in the chemo chair and started thinking about Brad, so I told dad a story and I laughed. It felt so good. And I thought of another on the way home and I laughed even harder. I laughed so hard I could barely finish my sentences! I love to tell a good funny story about Brad and I. So, my next blogs are going to be some our funny times. I must note that they will seem funnier to people who have taken care of a cancer patient before.
We picked the boys up from Glen and Cindy's. They had them all washed up, in their pj's and ready for us! It was late and we had time for a story and then bed. Then I sat down and went through book bags, put things on the calendar, opened mail, dad heated the compress for my arm that is having issues, and then I opted to sleep in my bed instead of the recliner. I slept great and got out of bed when the boys started coming out of their rooms! I helped get them ready and I'm getting ready to head to work this morning. This has been a much better morning! I even found my smile!
In good timing, there is a Mass for Brad at church tonight. I will be there thanking him for all those funny stories we made together. I can replay them a million times in my mind. When I get stuck with the blues, those stories will make me feel like he is right here with me, pushing me to get up and get going. Life is waiting.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment