8.03.2012

Don't count me out yet!

I do realize that I am in the care of Hospice now.  I am not asking for any kind of special treatment.  I know miracles happen and with God anything is possible.  I also know there are lots of people praying for a miracle and much more deserving of a miracle than I am.  Families enduring more awful experiences than I am.  I am trying not to have unrealistic expectations but as I have said before....I have just always lived on the sunny side of life.
My issue as of late is a bed sore.  Yuck!  I also have issues getting sick to my stomach.  With persistence, both of these issues are going away, but they sure do slow me down.  The bed sore is very sore and has kept me in bed, laying on my side most of the time.  Dad and I spend lots of time trying to figure out how to get rid of the stomach issues.  With the help of the nurses, we have tried to figure out why I toss cookies when I go somewhere in the car and the motion comes to a stop.  Depending on the day or time or time of day, you could stop by the house and see me looking really good or really not.  I just never really know.

I am getting used to the culture of Hospice.  Our local Hospice helped my mom in her last few weeks of life and we had a wonderful experience.  Once again they are being very helpful.  I am very happy with their care and they give my dad some relief and reassurance.  He is a very good caregiver.  One day, while discussing my care, a nurse asked my dad if I wanted to continue treating the bed sore or not. To be honest, I had wondered myself if this was the end.  But had decided that, after almost 9 years of fighting, I didn't want this bed sore to be the end of my battle. 

A few days ago we had an incident that made Trent very emotional.  He laid in the bed with me and just cried his little heart out.  As I lay there with my arms around him, all I could think of was how much he still needs me here.  Not having Brad is very hard on him and the thought of losing his me scares him very much.  He needs his mom and he needs me to continue sharing stories about his dad.  Lots of stories.

So I have increased my protien and caloric intake to help my body get stronger.  I have started using my walker to walk in the house to work my muscles.  I've gotten up and taken little rides in the car and tried to change positions more often in the bed.  Wednesday night I achieved my first goal.  I went to a Mass of healing at St. Leo church.  It was a great Mass and I felt so refreshed when we left!  I would like to thank all my family who attended and would like that I pray for all the people who are praying for their own healing. 


Trent sat beside me during Mass. Sometimes he would hold my hand and that reminded me why I am going to keep working.  Even if it is just for one more day!

Thanks to everyone for your support, your visits, food, help around the house,

Don't count me out yet....I still have some more memories to make!

7.22.2012

The darn blood/brain barriar

So much has happened in the last couple of weeks.  I keep meaning to sit down with the computer but happily I have received lots of visitors and my kids are home for the summer.

It is hard to know exactly where to start.  I guess it all begins with some really bad headaches....really bad.  After an MRI, it was determined that the brain cancer was on the move again.  The headaches were so bad they would make me throw up.  Eventually I would passout and just collapse onto the floor.  There is this strange thing called the blood/brain barrier.  The best I can explain it is that cancer is altimately a blood disease and chemo treats the blood.  Chemotherapy drugs do not infiltrate to the brain.  So although my tumor count in the body was good, my brain was being invaded.  It was my understanding that once they fully radiate your brain (which we had done last year) there was nothing else the doctors could do.

My doctors asked if I wanted to try this new treatment.  There wasn't a great prognosis; three to six months.  But I decided to take the odds.  It was quite the whirl wind of surgery and doctors appointments, finding people to help with the kids and the house, but soon I realized that it just wasn't going to work.  I lost a lot of memory.  My poor dad.  We would leave somewhere in the car, then I would get sick to my stomach and pass out.  I think I woke up in every Emergency Room between here and Baltimore.  I think the confusion was the worst.  It was so bad I started actually asking my dad who he was.  My head was still hurting, I developed a huge blood clot in my leg and couldn't walk on it.

Two weeks ago it was time.  With tears in her eyes, my doctor told me that it was time for them to stop treating me.  We had gotten close and I had talked to her many times about the quality of life versus the quantity.  I can't live what is left of my life worrying about Trent and Ian coming to see me in the hospital. As it was I wasn't able to attend Trent's birthday party  and missed several baseball games.

When I got home I talked to the boys.  I have had to do some tough and painful things in my life, but that was probably the toughest.  Since then, it seems like the house has been filled with people. And, being a people person, I quite like that.  It is very frustrating not to be able to cook food or straighten up the house for guests, but I have enjoyed seeing people. 

I guess this should be a sad time, but really I am quite happy.  I went with my gut and took the boys to Disney and Lego Land in the spring.  That was a really good call!  We went ahead with basketball mighty mites in the spring for Ian and baseball for Trent.  And I am hoping against hope to make it to my last big goal....going with Ian to his first day of school.  I have said it before.  It really isn't dying I am afraid of, it is the leaving.

6.05.2012

Post Surgery - June 2012

It was a beautiful day in Baltimore, MD.  Well, I have been out of surgery for a while.  My head is clear and I feel good.  Actually, the only thing that hurts is my throat where they had to put the tubing in and out!  I'm waiting on the go ahead to eat something and watching Everyone Loves Raymond!  Thanks to everyone for everything today.  All the prayers and support.  All the happy thoughts.  My great friend Mandy who was cleaning my house.  My kids who were so cooperative and were so sweet when I called them to tonight.  I had sent them a few pictures and they were just so cute when we talked.  Glen and Cindy took the boys and Casey all day and night and knowing that they are safe and happy is the best part of my day!  I don't have much else to do but relax and get good sleep tonight.

The hopes for tomorrow are to be able to eat and get a dose of chemo before I leave tomorrow!  Thanks for everything today everyone!  Have a good night.

5.30.2012

Spring 2012 Update


This has been a great spring for us!  As you know from my blog, we had a great trip to Florida and our family made some terrific family memories.  In May we celebrated Trent's First Communion with so many of our family and friends.  I would like to thank everyone for their gifts for Trent and all the cards and well wishes.  To a Catholic child, a First Communication celebrates a special passage in a young child's life.  Trent seemed so growned up on his First Communication and it brought back so many special memories from the spring when I was in 2nd grade.  I am so very proud of Trent.  I need to thank Cindy for jumping right up and getting the celebration set.  We all had a great time!  Celebrating his 1st Communion is something I have have prayed about since Trent was born and I am feel so blessed that I was able to experience it with him!

We also celebrated Brittany's graduation from WVU Medical School.  I am so happy that I was able to go with Dad to celebrate with Brittany, Scott, and Brittany's family in Morgantown.  I am so proud of her and she has worked so hard to reach this huge goal.  She is so very smart and has proved it with all of her awards and accomplishments.  I am so thankful that they have found eachother and hope they have so many years of happiness!


In May we also got to celebrate Ian's Pre-Kindergarten graduation.  It seems unreal to me that in the fall, Ian will be a full-time Kindergarten student.  He has grown up so much and I know that there will be so many wonderful things to come in his future!!

The end of May is kind of up in the air.  I am getting some questions and to be honest I don't have a lot of answers right now.  I started getting upset to my stomach and having other cancer-related symptoms like headaches, dizziness, confusion, etc.  My doctors have changed my chemo and, at this point, it is a trial to see if we can get something to work to stop any progression.  So, right now I'm just asking for prayers for my family and I.  Because,as the changes are more prounounced, I have had to share some more about my medical condition with both boys.  My intent has never been to provide fear to my chidren but you know honest does sometimes give fear.  We have lots of help and sources, but this is the hardest part for me.  Please pray for us as we navigate the next stage of my journey and how our family will progress.

It is hard to believe that June is almost here!

5.09.2012

Spring Break 2012



Several months ago during a date night the boys and I were talking about vacations. I decided to take a risk and ask them, "if you could go anywhere, where would it be?"  Without hesitation, Trent blurted out, "LegoLand."  Ian took a few minutes before deciding he wanted to see Mickey Mouse and his castle.   How lucky am I that the boys picked two destinations only a short ride away from each other in sunny Florida.

While the ideas rolled around in my head, I did enough research to realize there are lots of options when putting together a Disney vacation!  I didn't do nearly as much planning and research as I typically would and there just seemed to be so many choices.  So I found a local travel agent and he helped me put together a great vacation!  On April 9th Trent, Ian, Dad and I got on a plane and we flew back on April 13th.  It was such a great time and we made lots of memories.

We bought a park hopper ticket, stayed in a Disney Hotel, spent lots of time at the Magic Kingdom and MGM Studios, spent a day at LegoLand, visited the really cool dragon pool at the hotel, took a boat ride to Downtown Disney, and had lots of time for rides!  Trent and Ian enjoyed everything about the trip!  The airplanes, restaurants, hotel, Disney transportation, rides, shows, everything!  They are the perfect ages to enjoy the parks.

Ian was still smitten with the Disney Characters and he couldn't get enough of the rides.  Trent was super excited that so many people love Star Wars and he loved LegoLand.  It was a busy trip and we were all tired when we got home, but I wouldn't have changed it for anything!  We are back to our regular routines, but when school is out the boys and I will start our scrapbook!  We can talk and laugh and remember our great week of Spring Break 2012 in sunny Florida!

4.03.2012

Thanks



I would like to thank all my friends and family who remembered today. Your cards, emails, text messages and calls really meant a lot to me.
The warm sunshine and chilly breeze today made me think of our last "family day" with Brad. Brad had borrowed a boat from a friend and brought it to the house. The boys were so excited to have a boat just parked in our driveway. Ian helped Brad wash it and both boys would look out the windows at it and ask over and over when we were taking it out. I think Ian told everyone he encountered that his dad was taking him out on a boat. (Even the clerk at the grocery store.) Originally we were going to take a trip to a local lake resort, but school had just started and we were really busy. So, we drove 15 minutes north and put in at a public access of the Potomac River in Maryland.
Brad was almost as excited as the boys to get that boat in the water. I remember our ride to the river. Brad was a little nervous driving his big truck with someone else's boat in tow. He would get frustrated with other drivers and the boys laughed and laughed at him! When we got to the public access ramp, Brad backed the truck and boat trailer down and we discovered that I would have to drive his gigantic truck up the ramp as the boat slid off. That was a great truck, one I could hardly get up into, and one I had never driven. That truck had a lot of power and we all laughed when I squealed tires up the ramp!
There were only a few other boats on the water and it was so peaceful. The boys tried tubing. They were both so excited and talked about it for a long time. Brad blew up the tube and Trent looked at Ian and said, "you go first." Brad and I laughed at Ian who did just what his older brother told him. It was so much fun just riding up and down the river with the wind in our faces! We were trolling along when a Bald Eagle swept down to the water and pulled out a fish not too far from our boat. We found him down river in a tree and watched as he ate his dinner. As avid Eagle-cam watchers, Brad and I thought that was so cool!
It was just such a fun family experience and I am so glad that we went. It is a great memory for the boys and I. I just remember lots of laughter, the wind in our faces and the peaceful water. It is a beautiful memory.
Today Brad would have turned 38. I didn't miss him any more or less today than I have every day since he passed away.
Happy Birthday Brad. We love you.

3.11.2012

GREAT NEWS!!

There are a few reasons I haven't written for a while, but mainly because this Lent I decided to try to spend less time on the computer and more time with the kids. I am working hard to make our down time quality time! Although sometimes it seems like we don't have a lot of down time these days, I do what I can!

Last week we really made tracks with the end of wrestling season for Trent and the beginning of Mighty Mites Basketball for Ian, we met with the councelor again, I had my bone and CT scans, I began the process of refinancing the house, got the house appraised, closed Brad's Estate, attended a 'Mass of Explaination' for Trent's First Communion, went with Trent on a field trip, I had chemo (thanks to Neupogen) and I started another round of radiation, and got several things wrapped up at work!

It was a busy week, but we did it and everything seemed to fall into place! Once again, I have to thank everyone in my family who helped put all the pieces into place. I have a cold and have had a few days when I felt a little puny, but for the most part I am getting along pretty well. Sometimes in the afternoon I hit a 'wall' and realize I just can't go any further. So I take a break. The radiation on my arm is a breeze and it is treating a tumor that I have known was there for a long time, but it is important to get it treated before it fractures. Ten days of radiation and I'm done.

Today was a beautiful day! After wrestling in the morning the boys and dad got a few things done in the yard and we ran a few errands. The boys rode their bikes and scooters and I sat in the sun. It must be something about the Vitamin 'D' because it really made me feel better!

Here is the best part of my week...drum roll.......

I just sat down to read my email for the first time since Friday and there was a message from my doctor:

Subject: GREAT NEWS
Your SCAN LOOKS GREAT! YEA!

Enough Said.

2.15.2012

Happy Valentine's Day!





It is going to be a short blog tonight! I have been trying to keep up with the boys and work and the house and paperwork. It is great to say that we are up to the 'same old same old!' It is so hard for me to believe that Valentine's Day has come and gone. I had a great date with my Valentines (Trent, Ian, and my dad). We all enjoyed 'My True Love Cake' that I make once a year on Valentine's Day. We celebrated with a homemade dinner on Monday night because I was off and we didn't have practice. It turned out to be the perfect decision as Trent ended up with a stomach bug that lasted for a few days. He is much better now!

Tonight is date night! The boys and I are snuggled in bed watching a movie! I hope everyone had a Happy Valentine's Day!




2.09.2012

My Breast Cancer Story

I remember being newly diagnosed and wanting to hear every cancer story from each survivor that I met. I did a lot of reading and I tried to talk to other patients who seemed willing to share their journey with me. I don't know if this is too much information or not enough. But, if you or someone you know is newly diagnosed, feel free to share this with him or her. Also feel free to have them contact me if they have other questions that I may be able to answer. I am not a doctor, I cannot give any medical advice. I can just share my experiences and hope that they can help someone else anticipate possible steps they may face.


My case goes something like this:

My original diagnosis was in September 2003; I was 28, brad and I had been married for 14 months & Trent was a baby. I found a lump while I was pregnant, but the doctors told me it was nothing and it was typical for a new mother to have lumps and bumps. I pointed it out when I went to all those prenatal appointments and two of them took me serious enough to examine it before they told me, it was nothing. By the time I was persistent enough to demand a mamogram, Trent was three months old and the tumor had already spread to my lymph nodes under my arm. I was diagnosed as a stage 3 and the biopsy showed that my tumor was Estrogen positive.


The general surgeon that did my biopsy started said his office would contact me with a surgery date. My mom had lost her battle with cancer nine months before my diagnosis so I had a little schooling on cancer. I asked him how many other 20-something breast cancer patients he had ever seen. When he told me that he thought someone in his practice has seen a woman in her mid thirties a few months ago, I started to get nervous. I also told the surgeon that I would feel more comfortable if I could see a medical oncologist before I had surgery. He refused andtold me that wasn't the way they did things there. I told him I would be by the next morning to pick up my records. And, the next day I got my records and went to the hospital and picked up my films from Winchester Medical Center. I called Hopkins and met the director of the Breast Cancer Center and "interviewed" a few doctors there. Although I totally agree that there are great doctors everywhere, at the time (and still now) Johns Hopkins is where I belong.


After scans to be sure the cancer had not spread outside of the tumor (which was about the size of a chicken egg) and lymph nodes, I began chemotherapy. I had Adriamycin/Cytoxan (AC), four rounds every other week; then Taxol, four rounds every other week. During my eight weeks of AC, I felt tired and sick. Almost like I had the flu. The taxol made my bones ache. I also gave myself Neupogen shots to help out my white count so I could keep up with the chemo schedule. At the time, chemo before surgery was a cutting-edge method of treating breast cancer, it is now the norm for many cancers. Brad and I marveled as the chemo shrunk the tumor to almost nothing.


A few weeks after the completion of my chemo I had a mastectomy and lymph node removal. Never having surgery, I was too scared to have the tram flap reconstruction and opted for a saline implant instead. During my mastectomy, the plastic surgeon placed in an expander which would later be replaced with the actual implant.


After healing from the surgery I had 5 weeks of radiation on my chest wall. I was on a drug called Tamoxifen (an Aromatase inhibitor that blocks the bodys ability to make estrogen) for two years then I stopped and got pregnant with my second son, Ian. When Ian was a few months old, I resumed the Tamoxifen.


In May 2008, Ian was 16 months old and I was almost 5 years from my original diagnosis when the cancer came back. This time it was in my left femur, right pelvis, and I had a spot on my rib. I was now a stage 4 cancer patient. My oncologist explained that I would always have cancer, but that there are many treatment options available. I met a fabulous radiation oncologist in Martinsburg and received daily radiation on my right pelvis. My orthopedic oncologist at Hopkins put a rod down through the center of my femur to keep it from breaking, then I received radiation on the femur. I also had my ovaries removed. They changed my Tamoxifen to Femara (another Aromatase inhibitor) daily pills.


Things were quiet until October 2010 when I suddenly started feeling this weird pressure fluctuation in my head. I got dizzy one day with this weird sensation and threw up at work. The sensation in my head was caused by a brain tumor and when I threw up, the force fractured my left pelvis where I had a lesion. My oncologist introduced me to a very talented brain surgeon and the brain tumor was removed without issue. I received a very targeted radiation at Hopkins, then an MRI revealed that there was cancer in the lining around my brain so I was given total brain radiation. Healing the pelvis required a lot of sitting and after the brain surgery, I was diagnosed with a blood clot in my leg. I was in the hospital for a week while they gave me an IV drip to resolve the issue. After a lot of rest and patience, my pelvis got gradually stronger and I was able to go from a wheelchair to a walker to a cane. They didn't think I would walk again but I returned my wheelchair in the spring.

I then began taking a pill form of chemotherapy called Xeloda. It was very convienent to take at home, but it was very hard on my stomach and for the first time in my life I felt like food was my enemy. During that treatment I pointed out to my doctors that my shoulder was getting sore. A scan revealed several lesions that were quickly healed by radiation. This past summer I had another incident. I was walking down the hall at work when pain shot down my leg and I started losing feeling in my thigh. Turns out a little lesion on my spine was irritating the nerve that sends signals to my leg. Again, so radiation cleared up the lesion and it was gone.

My latest trick was the fluid around my heart which called for a life flight to my oncologist at Hopkins. That was in the beginning of November of 2011. But, they drained the fluid, put in a pericardial window, left a drain tube in my chest for a few weeks, got me all patched up, and sent me home. They changed me to a chemo drip called Eribulin and put in a port. I love the port and it is working so much better than getting stuck in my one good arm all the time! We are trying to find a chemo schedule that my body can tolerate. I am still giving myself blood thinner shots twice a day and will be adding Neupogen again to try to help my white count keep up with the schedule.

Last week I found out that the reason my right arm doesn't work right is that there is a tumor on my forearm and maybe a fracture. My doctor was shocked as she had explained that people don't get 'arm cancer' as she was writing the script for the x-ray. Yeah....apparently I'm the only one who gets arm cancer. LOL! So, we will look into that in the coming weeks.

WOW. That was a lot. If you found it long and boring; I am sorry. If you are working through cancer and need more specifics; let me know. To Dad and my bestest friend Aly - I know you will remember things that I forgot. One thing to remember about all of this is that my family and I have been doing this for 8 1/2 years. I have still been a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. There are days I go to bed and I know I could have done better, but like everyone else in this world I just try to do my best. If you are a survivor, you can do it. Sometimes we have had to work life around cancer and sometimes we have had to work cancer around our lives. Find a doctor YOU feel good about and keep moving forward!

2.08.2012

Got it!

I was able to receive my chemo today! As usual, I received two pre-meds that are dripped via IV through my port. One is an anti-nausea drug that makes me drowsy and the other is a steriod that gets me buzzed up. As some of you know (and I may have mentioned in this blog) I am not a fan of the steriod, but I am learning to take the good with the bad. I now know the pattern...tonight, tomorrow and Friday I will be buzzed up with a great appetite and energy; Saturday and Sunday I will slow down; Monday I will feel really cruddy; Tuesday everything will frustrate me; Wednesday I will cry about something bizarre; Thursday I will be back to normal! It's the steriod that gets me. I don't think the actual chemo drug does anything but make me sleepy.

Overall this was a pretty uneventful chemo. It was a snowy ride home. Although it was difficult to see sometimes, it didn't stick to the roads and we enjoyed the beautiful winter scenery! Although it was dark when we got home, we could see that the trees in the yard were beautifully decorated with snow. School dismissed early this afternoon so Trent was happy with some extra time with Memaw and Pepaw.

I am feeling really good and the kids and I have been making Valentines and doing class projects. And, during my steriod sponsored energy splurge, I think we will make some cookies for the wrestling match then work on 'My True Love Cake' that I make once a year on Valentine's Day for them. Our councelor came to the house the other day and they got a chance to visit with him. I feel like we are doing well. Life is good!

2.01.2012

No go on the chemo!



My doctor e-mailed me yesterday to let me know that, once again, my white count is too low for chemo. It sounds funny but initially it feels like a slap in the face, like my body is not cooperating with 'my plan.' I get frustrated because I have to change all my appointments for blood draws, doctors visits, and upcoming chemo. Then I get sad because I wonder if this course of treatment is just too tough for my body to handle. And, finally I remember that there is always next week! I get an extra day this week to go to work, take the kids to school, and I have one extra evening to get something done!



Over the last two weeks we have been settling into our winter routine of school, work, wrestling and trying to get organized around the house. I think we are making headway! Ian has helped build two shoe rackets (see my post about Ian-isms). Actually both boys have been very helpful as has my dad and brother. My mother-in-law got me some of those bags that you load up and suck the air out of and they are too cool! It is a work in progress, and I still have many closets to go through. But, if I don't start my spring cleaning now, it will never get finished!



Also, in the past two weeks I have been communicating with two women who are relatively new to the world of breast cancer. One friend's mother is newly diagnosed and the other is finding herself navigating the challenges of being a young breast cancer patient. Over the years lots of friends and friends of friends have contacted me about my breast cancer. It may seem odd, but I always feel at a loss. Every breast cancer diagnosis is as unique as the survivor herself and I am not a doctor. I learned a long time ago that these women weren't contacting me to hear pacifying ancedotes or medical statistics. They were calling me to get the real scoop. From the inside. So, now I try to be as frank and honest as I can. If they are to receive a drug or treatment that I have received, I try to give it to them straight. Then I pray that that is the right thing to do.



One of my friends was trying to put my cancer timeline together so maybe I will make that my next post. For now, I am going to get dinner on the table and enjoy my evening! Have a great week everyone!

1.26.2012

A good January!







Wow! It has be a while since I have written. I know it has been too long when I start getting e-mails. This has been a good month for us! Since I last wrote, Ian celebrated his 5th birthday and lost his first tooth! He is growing up so fast and is such a silly little guy! He certainly keeps me on my toes. Although he started wrestling, I think the sport is a little too intense for him this year, so he is going to sit out until next year. Something a little less serious, like soccer, is on his list for the spring.


Trent continues to wrestle and he is doing really well! He really enjoys it, and I love to watch him working hard. His record is 3 wins, 3 losses but his confidence is really building so I think this will be a good year! He was a little disappointed at the end of the grading period to learn that he did get one 'B', but I thought that was excellent! He is very excited to be learning cursive writing. (I can remember being excited about that too.)


This month I have tried to concentrate on spending time with the boys. I wanted to have some one-on-one time to talk, but I mostly try to listen. Ian and I had 'date night' while Trent spent the night with a friend, then Ian had a sleepover with Memaw and Pepaw so Trent and I could have 'date night.' They get to pick where we eat and the DVD we watch and I try to help the conversation along. I think they seem much more relaxed and I really enjoy spending time with them.


Last week I met with a councelor and he helped me with some conversation starters for the boys. He has known our families (both Brad's and mine) since I was a child and I think he will be a great third party for the boys to talk to. He is going to help us through the healing process while navigating the future together.


I have been feeling pretty good. I am trying to keep up with the routine. On Sunday evening I sit down and write out a daily schedule of rides, practices, school schedules, paperwork, meals, and appointments. I spend the week looking at that list and trying not to forget things. I did miss a chemo in January because my white blood cell count was very low. I was a little disappointed, but they tell me that there isn't anything I can do to make it better. My doctor made some adjustments to the dose and frequency. The following week, my count had rebounded and I got my chemo without issue! Chemo is scheduled again next Wednesday so I am hoping that my bloodwork is good and we can get into a pattern.


January has also been a good month for cleaning and the boys and dad have been helping me clean out and get organized. I have a new list of projects and I am trying to squeeze them in! There is just nothing like crossing things off a list to motivate this girl! I hope everyone is having a productive January too!

1.04.2012

My favorite thing

Christmas, New Years, and my 37th birthday have come and gone.

One of my friends posted birthday wishes on my Facebook page and asked what my favorite part of my birthday was. It only took me a few minutes to realize that the best part of my birthday was that it was the start of getting back to normal. Brad's death in mid-September was a total shock and, by the time my head started to wrap around what had happened, it was Halloween. Four days after Halloween I was life flighted to Hopkins for a week long stay in the hospital. Then there was trying to deal with 'life' and cancer and paperwork while still trying to wrap my head around Brad's death. Then it was Thanksgiving and decorating and trying to keep up with our family traditions and school plays and school parties and Christmas. Then it was celebrating and keeping on my happy face. We celebrated my birthday with a big dinner a day early since everyone was returning to work and school on the 3rd.

So here is what was so special about my birthday: I woke up in my bed at 5:45am after a night of good sleep, I took a shower without needing help or using my shower seat, I walked into the kids rooms and woke them up, I organized wrestling bags and bookbags, I drove them to school, and I went to work. My co workers bought me lunch and a red velvet cheesecake and I was able to eat both! The pediatrician called to tell me Trent's brain MRI was normal which made me want to jump up and party! I went home a little early and did two loads of laundry without help and started cleaning the toys up in the basement. When the boys got home from practice I sent them upstairs to shower, then read them a story. Then I got changed and put myself in bed, told Brad that I loved him and I miss him every day. Then I went to sleep.

If you would have asked me ten years ago what I would want to do on my 37th birthday, who knows what I would have said. But, for the here-and-now, in the life that I lead, it was a great day. It was what I pray for every day...another day with the people that I love and who love me. I wish everyone love and happiness in 2012!!